Issue 23
   
18 August 2006

Summer Tours

The FRU watched the senior tour of New Zealand and Australia with the same degree of frustration as the rest of the country. The marked contrast between selection policies of the competing teams saying more than anything about which teams are going to be genuine contenders come the World Cup.

Ireland huffed and puffed and nearly blew down experimental and rusty All Black sides but generous referring of the home side and an abject failure to use the bench by the stunted (in imagination) O'Sullivan allowed the All Blacks to pull away in the last quarter.

One positive note from the tour was the outstanding form of the Irish back row. Best, Wallace and Leamy tore into the All Blacks for 60 minutes making the Blacks back row look distinctly pedestrian. Leamy is the FRU player of the tour but Besty was not far behind and hopefully O'Stunted will give him the chance to cement his position in the team.

The match against Australia was one to many but was probably a good indication as to how the team will perform if they get to the semi-finals in the World Cup given O'Stunted's selection policy.


Rog leads with the head!

Winning the FRU Player of the Year obviously (and literally) went to Rogers head during Ireland A's participation in the Churchill Cup. His unblemished disciplinary record went up in smoke when he gave a Front Row kiss to a Kiwi while they were both trapped in a ruck. Fortunately the fact that the Kiwi was fondling his plums at the time got Rog away with a two game ban so he shouldn't miss any competitive games.

There was good Ulster participation at this tournament with Matt, Bryn, Neil Mac and Paddy all having encouraging tournaments. Maxy and Dec Fitz seemed to struggle, but new boy Tom Court caught the FRU's eye with his all round game and sound scrummaging. All in all this was an enjoyable tournament and the FRU has marked it down for a summer tour in future years.

We've All Been On A Summer Holiday!

Have you ever wondered where the message board regulars go when there is no rugby?

The FRU packed its bags and joined some on their trips.

First to venture abroad was old friend Ballpark who returned to his watering holes in France where he met up with the hysterical Le Paul!

This is Ballpark's 19th trip to the small village nestling in the Brittany countryside where he remains a firm favourite of all the locals who point and wave whenever he passes.

Unfortunately the FRU couldn't take Gary up on his kind invite to join him at the "World Tractor Polishing Championship" at

Lake Whatanutter in Ontario, Canada. Gary did take time out from his tractor polishing to send us some lovely pictures of some of the tractors he polished. Looks like the transports sorted for Toulouse then Gary - keep polishing!
The URSC has been asked by a number of fans to arrange a return transfer from Belfast to Dublin Airport for those traveling to Toulouse via the Ryanair flight to Carcassonne.

Ballpark's warm smile and winning dress sense fit right in at "Le Hotel Pour Les Mad Hommes". Lets hope he's signed in again for next year!.

The FRU also joined former sponsor and "somewhat confused" entrepreneur YoungMan who went for his usual two weeks to Butlin's in Bognor.

Staying in the £40 per week (breakfast included) luxurious "mixed" dormitory the FRU discovered just how popular YoungMan was with his fellow guests. No wonder he won't be using his stand seat in the near future.

Such is YoungMan's popularity that he has been asked to take part in Butlin's new advertising campaign.

One person the FRU didn't meet during the summer was Dead Ball.

This self styled "Merchant Banker", not content with stealing PaddyX's ideas and copying everyone else's, searched all summer for an original thought.

Fortunately for us this journey took him no further than his bathroom where the journey reached its logical conclusion with Dead Ball finally sticking his head up his ass as this picture from his "boy" CT shows. (What he was doing in the bathroom we don't know.)


     
A Rugby Story – Eventually!
The St Geran Hotel in Mauritius is one of the poshest places around. But they still let us in - although the receptionist did mention that she could see we were rather disheveled after the long flight and that we would want to change into something a bit more suitable. This puzzled me as we were sporting our brand new holiday wear bought just the other day in Primark.

Anyway this is a rugby story.
A few minutes after we were shown to our room, there was a confident knock on the door. I opened it to be greeted cheerfully by a middle-aged Mauritian gentleman who declared proudly that he was our butler for the week.

I’ve never had a butler before.

“Is there anything I can do for sir or madam?”
The woman and I just looked at each other.
“Er… perhaps you could run my bath.” she said timidly.
“Of course – what temperature does madam prefer?”
I decided to leave them to it – asking her not to let him scrub her back – and headed to
the bar.

But this is a rugby story.
It so happens that the St Geran is a great place for people-watching, being the holiday haunt of many celebrities. Prince William had stayed there only a week or two before me. But even so I was amazed at that week’s clientele. Now, I can’t stand name-dropping – I was saying just that to the Duke of Edinburgh just the other day. But….


Charlotte's Cousin?
(Welcome at all matches - maybe she can borrow YoungMans seat!)


At the table beside me sat someone whose face I sort of recognised. I was sure he was famous. A quick enquiry of the barman cleared the matter up It was Bernie Eccleston of Formula 1 fame. Acting very casually, I wandered past, glancing innocently at him and smiled knowingly. He smiled and said hello. I’d had a conversation with somebody important after years of trying.

Unfortunately I was so overcome with emotion, or something, that I bumped into a table, almost knocking over an elderly gentleman’s drink. I apologised profusely, but he simply smiled and said he did that sort of thing all the time. When I returned to my own seat, the barman came over ,

“I see you’ve already met the King of Sweden he said.

“Feck” I said.

And it really was the King. This was getting all too much for me. Maybe we should have gone to Portrush as usual.

However this is a rugby story.
At dinner that night, we managed to negotiate the massed ranks of royalty, film stars, pop singers etc to find a table overlooking the pool. A long and very liquid evening followed – a delicious meal (incredible prawns) washed down by copious amounts of white wine. Sitting out in the warm Mauritian evening listening to the gentle waves of the Indian Ocean was magnificent. Romantic or what?

Well, anyway, this is a rugby story.
Our spell was broken by the sound of a very Welsh voice.

“Hi, I noticed you’d an Ulster Rugby Top on earlier – I saw them play once!”

I looked up to see who had interrupted our reverie.

“Bleedin’ heck” I stammered (or something like that).

It was Charlotte Church!!!

Well actually it wasn’t.

“Bet you think I’m Charlotte Church – everyone does” said the attractive Welsh girl before sitting down beside us. “ I’m only her cousin but we must look really alike.”

My pulse gradually reduced to a level unlikely to cause a massive heart attack and we entered into a fascinating conversation, mostly little juicy stories about Charlotte. However, as this is a rugby story I’m sure you don’t want to be bored by such matters. Much more interesting is the fact that Gavin “Tango” Henson is actually a very decent bloke who was glad to see Ulster win the Celtic League. (Remember the way he signaled to the ref that Humphreys’s drop goal was good).

As a result of our chance meeting, Charlotte’s cousin is the proud, I hope, owner of an Ulster Rugby jersey and she has promised to come to our Welsh games next season.

So, in the space of a few days, I’d met Bernie Eccleston, the King of Sweden, some actress who’d appeared in The Bill and Holby City, a Portuguese footballer who was more than a bit peeved at not being selected for the World Cup (presumably he wasn’t good at falling down), and various English Lords and Ladies.

But most important of all was meeting Gavin Henson’s girlfriend’s cousin.

I said this was a rugby story.

       
Calling all Hounds of Ulster!

Pre-season Training.

Pre-Season Training will commence on Friday 18th of August at 4pm
Location, Clubhouse: The Old Inn, Crawfordsburn

All members are required to bring their annual subscriptions with them. £100 should cover our first training session!

New members are welcome, and will be selected on their performance during our first training session.

The next training session will be held at Ravenhill on Friday 25th of August.

 


The Season Ahead

The new season then kicks off on Saturday 2nd of September. Pre-match diner will be held at a secret location (to be confirmed) but will most likely be a bag of nuts and a pint of stout in the Beer Tent! Our first away match will be Edinburgh, on the weekend of the 15th September. All members to meet in the Edinburgh Men's Social Club aka The Western Bar situated in the Pubic Triangle, before and after kick off.

Ulster Jersey required to gain entry!

AGM

Our Annual General Meeting will be held in Toulouse on the weekend of 19th January 2007. All members must be present, the only valid excuse accepted will be matters involving life or death. Those not attending will have their membership reviewed by "The Committee"!

Remember once a Hound always a Hound. (Unless you continually fail to attend our annual away trips.......you know who you are!!!!)

Yours,

Hound & Wolf

 
       
   
       
   




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© 2006 FRU Publications.
Recommended by Neil "Sick Note" McMillan.