4 April 2008
*(Ulster Rugby’s Singing Campaign)
In a campaign that Robert Mugabe would proud of, Ulster’s latest singing, dancing and acting sensation Niamh Perry is going from strength to strength. Having enlisted the old reprobate Cap’n Grumpy to cajole, blackmail, threaten, bribe and grind down the Ulster rugby public into voting for her, she has now safely negotiated the early stages and is growing in stature before the eyes of the viewing public.
Niamh is doing chairman kimble’s home town proud and her parents when asked about the strange choice of campaign manager, replied “We know kimble’s old enough to be her grand father and is from the same town, but, …… well, the daft old galoot’s getting a bit past it and he was more preoccupied with his own campaign for re-election to Chairman of the other URSC. So given Grumpy’s standing with the second barrier crew, we couldn’t think of anyone with more knowledge about a bunch of Nancy’s, and he seemed the more obvious choice”
In a statement to SCOOP, the Cap’n said “this campaign isn’t about me and if I can get her the part of Nancy in the West End, I will be
set for life ….. very happy for this exceptional young talent. I would like to scotch the rumours that I stand to gain personally from this, and the figure of 60% of all Niamh’s future earnings coming to me is well wide of the mark ….. grossly exaggerated …… not quite correct!”
Remember, this Saturday, in the best Ulster tradition, vote early and vote often
(but not too early or your vote won’t count, and I won’t get a cut of it)