4 April
Anglo – West English Cup goes from strength
to strength!
SO it appears that the threatened French boycott of the Heineken
Cup was not just sabre rattling after all! Following unexpected
developments over the weekend, ERC chiefs are now faced with the
non appearance of any French teams in this seasons show piece tournament.
Said a clearly bewildered spokesman, “We have been working
very hard with Serge Blanco and were confident that we could secure
the future of the tournament. Now it seems they (the damned Froggies)
have thrown the toys out of the pram and walked away from this year’s
tournament as well. This, coupled to sympathetic action by the Irish,
leaves the whole competition in disarray.”
Meantime, hot on the trail of a breaking news story, we at Scoop
dispatched our European Rugby correspondent, Ed de Ball, across
the boulevards of Paris to speak to the man who controls French
Rugby. Arriving at the offices of Ligue Nationale de Rugby our man
parked his bicycle against the railings before entering the plush
foyer. Pausing for a moment to admire the shapely derrière
of a young lady polishing the marble statues of bygone heroes, he
asked at the front desk to speak to the man in charge.
“May I have speaks wis Le Directeur? Comprendez vous,
ze official who eez not wanting to jouez la ball wis ze Celts. Oh,
zoot alors, eez name? Eez name eez Sergeant Bilko, I think.”
After being directed to a small downtown retro cinema frequented
by loud mouthed American tourists who think they won the war single-handedly,
(apparently the only one on which they were on the winning side),
our man returned to his hotel room in Montmartre to report he had
nothing to report.
“Der eez nuting to report”, he said, before
adding that he was going out for some more Derry Air. Perhaps we
misheard him, as we he was last reported in the company of a young
lady with a very short skirt who apparently knew a thing or two
about Gary Owen, or “ze old up and under” as
it is known in Gay Paris.
Meanwhile England's Guinness Premiership clubs have apparently
voted to boycott the French boycott. “Following the French
walkout we will be fielding four English teams in this years competition;
one from the Midlands, two from the home counties and one from the
far west of England,” said a spokesman, glibly.
Asked about their stance on future negotiations he added, "Premier
Rugby has made proposals to the RFU which would provide significantly
increased player release time for England and establish a platform
for future international success which is vital for the whole game.
As part of these proposals, we are seeking that the clubs have equal
shares and votes with the RFU in a new five-year commitment to European
competitions, to which the clubs have contributed so much success.”
We at Scoop understand that this translates into Norn Iron speak
as: “If you don’t give us at least half a share
of the cake there won’t be any icing for anyone and you can
kiss your chariot goodbye!”
Or as Ed de Ball would have put it, “Zu can
take ze balon et stuff eet where ze sun don’t shine”
C’est la vie! |
