7 December

Chairman Kimble on the run over issue of Hugo’s … who’s Boss!
Filed for SCOOP by our cosmetics correspondent, Major Eyeswatter

SCOOP has been advised by solicitors acting on behalf of one “Hugo Boss” that the recent cK advertisement carried on our pages is in flagrant breach of agreements between UR (Ulster Rugby), the URSC (Ulster Rugby Supporters Club) and the UAFC (Ulster Awful Fragrance Company) in regard to the official perfume … aftershave of Ulster Rugby.

Accordingly, SCOOP would like it to be known that the carrying of advertising on its pages offers no endorsement whatsoever of the product by this organisation, but merely reflects sound financial practice of fleecing any and all galoots who think they can sell their wares through our offices.

In similar vein, though, if Hugo thinks that by threatening us with legal action, we’re going to advertise the sail of his products without receiving a few knicker in return, he’s got another think coming!

THE PERFECT 10

After last months AI’s, and Ronan O’Gara’s impressive form in recent weeks, SCOOP was not surprised to receive the following press release from the IRB.

“O’Gara best 10 in the World – OFFICIAL!

Dan Carter this weekend missed two kicks at goal and has clearly demonstrated that he doesn’t live up to the highest standards expected of a perfect 10. Accordingly, adding to his self-expressed view that he is the best out-half in the Northern hemisphere, the IRB can now confirm that O’Gara is now officially the best in the World”.

For further info, go to the IRB website, Isn’tRonanBrilliant.co.ie or email ronan’smum@Isn’tRonanBrilliant.co.ie”

SCOOP was however surprised to learn on that site that O’Gara had been named as man of the match in the Ireland v Pacific islands. In naming the MotM, George Hook was quoted as saying “We know that Wallace can kick from ground and run with ball in hand if given the chance, but we haven’t seen if he can run a game. When Ronan came on he did that and it was his class and experience that saw Ireland home!”