Belfast City Marathon 2006
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Death By Tarmac - Part 1

 

Saturday 18th Feb
Refereed BB football match. The wee beggers don’t know nuffin’ about the beautiful game. Instead of passin’ the ball around, they hoof it from one end of the pitch to the other. (Funny how they always seem to wait till I catch up with play before they hit it back to the other end) This means that they get to walk, but I have to run! – result: I’ve done my hamstring!

(Later) – Just checked my email – What madness is this? Dewi wants me (and tok, THP & A.N. Other) to run 5 MILES in the Belfast marathon – Run? RUN? I can’t even stand up without my back and legs going? Where’s the codeine nurse? Ah that’s better – he’s eally funny, that guy.

Sunday 19th Feb
I don’t believe it! He’s serious! Keep taking the tablets, pain not so bad today. Mention this crazy idea to “her that must be obeyed”. She suggests weighing up the pros and cons.
• Pros – I’ve talked about doing more exercise for a long time now – it could be the incentive I need! I could lose some weight, which would help my aches and pains.
• Cons – It could kill me!
Mrs Grumpy does the same
• Cons – More washing of smelly kit.
• Pros – Put him on a diet - less food to feed the fat lump. AND It might kill him!
I’ll have to sleep on this. See how the leg is tomorrow. We’ve only 10 weeks and if I’m to stand any chance of doing it, I need to start training soon – I can’t afford to wait two weeks or more for a gammy-hammy! I go out for a (slow) walk; and have a slightly smaller than usual slice of cheesecake with my 4 course Sunday Dinner - Just in case.

Monday 20th Feb
Great start to the day – an email from Tighty. The ‘ologists have advised him against partaking in this great venture! Maybe it’ll be scrapped. Check with tok – oh no, he’s actually up for it. Decisions decisions! – I give a “potential maybe”. Get reassurance that I won’t be laughed at (much) if I run the first hundred yards and walk the rest. If I do the first leg, everyone else can have a lie in that day as it’ll take me so long to hand over to number two. They seem to think that’s okay. Wee kimble comes on board – I think he just wants to show off. (A real chip off the old block).

(Lunch time) - I have a salad for lunch – just in case. (Still have lashings of mayo though. I don’t want to waste away to nothing too quickly!) Training starts now - I decide to use the stairs at least once a day instead of the lift.

(Later) - I get up to get the TV remote instead of asking Mrs Grumps to hand it to me. This exercise can be addictive!

Tuesday 21st Feb
Let’s get started – Up, down, up down – 20 repetitions! - Now the other eyelid! (It's as well SammyT's not reading this).
Get out of bed – not too bad. Pains not so bad this morning (but enough of Junior Grumps).
Into work, check emails – I’ve shamed Tighty into reconsidering – SUCKER!! (If I’m gonna hurt, someone else can hurt too!) We have a team (and Dewi’s elected himself “Captain” and is dishing out the orders already – We’ll soon knock that out of him).

(Lunch time) – Went for a brisk walk down town – I even put in a couple of sprints (If I hadn’t I would have been half-way to Dublin by now on the front of a juggernaut going down the Westlink). Called into the Chemists and asked for something for “athletes foot”. They told me that was something to be avoided, they couldn’t give me any. Came away with Sanatogen, iron tablets and slimming pills (They needn’t think I didn’t see their smirks – I won’t be giving them my custom again, and believe me, that’s considerable!). Walked back to work – I knew I’d forgotten something – cream for the chaffing!

Wednesday 22nd Feb
Had a phone call from tok and arranged to meet him – Seemingly he was in my area “supporting free enterprise in the local economy” (something about “redeveloping” some place if they did or didn’t pay up or something). Went for a cuppa and despite him being flush he still expected me to pay. Greedy hallion wanted the works (cream buns an’ all) – I told him he was in training and bought him just the coffee (no sugar, but did allow him milk – skimmed)! That’ll teach him.

Went to the gym! When they’d finished laughing they told me that I didn’t actually need a personal trainer. A faith healer and miracle worker maybe, but not a personal trainer. (And that was AFTER I’d paid the membership fee). At least I worked off a few calories extracting the cheque from them again. I’m not the only one around needing painkillers now!

Sunday 26th Feb!!!!!
Wanted to do a bit on the exercise bike, but it had a puncture so borrowed an old lawnmower from behind the beertent at Ravers instead for a turn around the garden. It was actually quite enjoyable and the time just flew in!

(Later) - Suggested to Mrs Grumps that I cut out one of the four courses at dinner today, so she combined my fish course with the melon in white wine salad – Bless her, she means well! (It actually tasted not bad!). I suspect she’s worried about me losing too much too fast, as she gave me extra roast spuds too (NO, not with the melon). I also suggested cutting out one of the wines and restricting the other one to just two bottles. By way of recompense, she brought me a large Irish coffee afterwards with extra cream. I suppose it doesn’t do to cut down too quickly. Later I found her examining my life insurance policy, but I’m sure she was simply tidying up.

Thursday 23rd Feb
Went for ANOTHER walk into town at lunch time to visit a jeweller’s in Lombard Street. It was good experience for the Bank Holiday too – it was raining! I introduced myself & my needs and a very nice man explained that I probably didn’t need an expensive chronometer to time myself in training. It was jolly decent of him not to exploit my ignorance in such matters – many others would have taken my money and not let on. I was prepared to pay a three-figure sum for a good stopwatch too! (- £7.99 IS a three-figure sum!). Anyway, he referred me to another establishment for my needs. I’m not sure I appreciate his advice that a calendar was what I needed, though. I went to the suggested retailer and they too were very co-operative, they practically paid me to take one particular one off their hands*. Given the time between now and the run, AND the time it’ll actually take me to complete my stint, I think I’ll get very good value out of it.

(Later) – The time has come! Figured out a 1.2 mile course and am actually going to try it on foot. Inhaler: check! Mobile phone for emergency aid: check! Off we go (the royal “we”). Actually it wasn’t too bad, apart from the embarrassment of being passed by the woman with the zimmer. Forgot to record the time (I really did forget!!!), but it was still Thursday when I got in. I actually felt quite good and thought that I could have gone further, but I must have looked bad, as the most junior Grumpy was about to phone for an ambulance and took quite a bit of convincing that someone could look like this and still be viable. If I ever do have a corollary …. conorary …. heart attack in the future, he’ll probably just step over me on his way to the fridge.
* (Just who is Daniel O’Donnell anyway?)

Friday 24th Feb
This is where the pain strikes …….. but NO! I don’t believe it – I feel okay. More decisions! Will I go out tonight again, or wait till tomorrow. I’ll wait till tonight to make up my mind.

(Later) – Junior going to Comber to play footy at the leisure centre – I decide to go for a run around the town while he’s there. I take a wrong turn and have to face the big hill, but it’s not as bad as I thought it might be. It’s freezing though and a couple of brass balls roll past me on the downhill side. I get back to the car and it’s only when I stop that I realise a puff of the inhaler might be in order. I drive round the route I’ve just run out of curiosity. It’s about 1.6 miles, including the swerve round the monkey that seemed to be looking for something.
Sunday 26th Feb!!!!!
Wanted to do a bit on the exercise bike, but it had a puncture so borrowed an old lawnmower from behind the beertent at Ravers instead for a turn around the garden. It was actually quite enjoyable and the time just flew in!
(Later) - Suggested to Mrs Grumps that I cut out one of the four courses at dinner today, so she combined my fish course with the melon in white wine salad – Bless her, she means well! (It actually tasted not bad!). I suspect she’s worried about me losing too much too fast, as she gave me extra roast spuds too (NO, not with the melon). I also suggested cutting out one of the wines and restricting the other one to just two bottles. By way of recompense, she brought me a large Irish coffee afterwards with extra cream. I suppose it doesn’t do to cut down too quickly. Later I found her examining my life insurance policy, but I’m sure she was simply tidying up.
Saturday 25th Feb
Decided to take it easy – I don’t want to overdo it. I need to be sure my hamstring’s ok. Besides, the temperature’s dropping and there’s a comfy seat with my name on it in front of the box showing the rugby

Sunday 26th Feb
It’s been a funny sort of day. Déjà vu almost. I’ve had days like this before! Still resting the muscle and cut down at mealtimes. There was something fishy about my starter at dinner, but couldn’t quite plaice what it was.

Monday 27th Feb
Went out for a run late in the evening. Intended to step up to 2 miles, but since it involves laps of an area, I can lengthen (aye, right) or shorten it if needs be. After an easy start, I’m building in confidence. I think I’m actually going faster (I certainly couldn’t be going slower). THEN – wallop! Downhill, sharp left and just where the icy bit is, SLIP! Oops, Flip Me! My hamstring!!!!!! Time to slow to a fast limp. I make it home and sit on an ice pack for 15 minutes, and decide it would be better just to stand outside as it’s colder. NOW I CAN APPRECIATE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE BEING ON THE URSC COMMITTEE – two steps forward, three backwards.

Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 28th Feb & 1st – 2nd March
Waddya want – Blood? It’s very frustrating. I feel better in myself than for a long time. Having taken the hard step of actually getting out there and starting running again, all I can do is rest (longer this time to be sure it’s right) and begin all over again. Meanwhile the calendar is ticking! (???????!!!!). So much for being cautious at the weekend - I hate Mondays!! I hate the FRU Editor in Chief (a.k.a. Mad Bad John by some) – he’s put it all on the web, so there’s no backing out now!

Friday, Saturday & Sunday 3rd, 4th & 5th March
Tonight’s the night!!!! Munster mash followed by a sponsored all night games night with the B.B. Part one goes to plan, part 2 not too bad either. Starts at 10.30 and goes through to 8.30 am the following morning. NO SLEEP AT ALL! Last year I broke my wrist at this event – maybe this year I can do my ankle and get out of this running malarkey! As leaders, we can only join in the non-contact sports for fear of hurting the wee dears. Someone should tell them it cuts both ways! Last time out, I was playing that great non contact game of basketball. As I go for a slam dunk, the smallest guy in the company forgets the no contact rule and hits my legs at speed. TAKEN IN THE AIR, REFEREE! I went up head first, I turn upside down and come down head first. BANG – broken wrist! Do I know it’s broken? NO! I’m too concussed. Still, that was last year, what will this year bring. I decide on badminton. With my gammy hammy, I can make the boys run while I stand still. After an hour, they’re knackered, I’m still quite fresh and one or two have a new found respect for the old man (it won’t last, but I’ll take it while I can).
I make it through to Saturday morning on a couple of rounds of toast and several gallons of coffee. Clear everything up, get the boys home and then go to referee the Juniors’ football match. Oh how sad, the temperature’s minus something, and the pitch is like uneven concrete. I have to call it off. I was feeling so fresh, too!!!!!!!! After visiting family and the usual raft of Saturday “things”, I get to bed by 10.30pm. Surprisingly I can’t sleep. I wake up on Sunday morning ….. afternoon, and every muscle aches! – especially the shoulders and arms. Who said the badminton was easy. The one muscle that doesn’t feel sore, surprisingly, is my hamstring. Now the decisions again, how long before I resume running. I need to start soon, but don’t want to risk doing it too soon. I’ll think about it tomorrow. I hate MBJ! ZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!

Monday 6th March
Still thinking about resuming training! Sometimes I sit and think, sometimes I just sit.

Tuesday 7th March
YES, YES, YES!!!

Went out again last night for another recurrence of the hamstring - AND ……. it didn't happen!

First time out since last Monday and it was fine. - SLOW, but fine. Even went two miles this time. That's the farthest yet.

The real bonus was when I came in, Young Grumpy commented that I "didn't look too bad", and when Mrs Grumpy came in a couple of minutes later and saw me in the gutties, she asked if I was "GOING to go for a run!"

HA! - Death where is thy sting?

Wednesday 8th March
Had an email from the cap’n today (MBJ that is, not me - the team cap’n, or so he thinks,). I am reconsidering my training methods as I didn’t know we were allowed to cycle the marathon route. Apparently he’s been cycling up and down his driveway, but hasn’t gone out onto the roads yet. I think he needs police permission or something before he goes out there as these lardy boyz constitute an obstruction of the highway. He claims to have done about 10 miles, but I think he’s just trying to give the impression he has a long driveway.

Thursday 9th March
Heard on the “traffic report” on the way into work that there will be a wide load on the Shore Road later – it sounds as if MBJ has been given permission to leave his driveway!
Another email, this time from Tighty. He says he’s “not swinging the lead”, which personally I would think could be very good for building upper body strength and improving cardio-vascular function, but he claims to have a keratinous growth invading the epithelium of his hallux which may require surgery. He is doubting his ability to continue in this venture and is consulting a leading specialist (Sir Gerry Pending), forthwith. We of course are most concerned for the health and welfare of our team mate and have sent numerous sympathetic suggestions and offers of help!!!! Two theories to explain his condition come to mind (1) he’s been eating the lead and it’s affected his ability to remember where he keeps the toenail scissors, and (2) he’s got the scissors, but hasn’t actually seen his toes for years. Maybe kimmy’s offer of the axe will be of help.