Sunday 9th April

It hasn’t been a good week in the Grumpy household. For the second week in a row, I now haven’t run for 6 days. I pre-hydrate with half a bottle of isotonic sport drink, kindly supplied by those nice people at Lucozade and revert to the purgatorial route of previous Sunday mornings. Mrs Grumpy wants me to deliver something for her that’s only a hundred yards off route, so that’s okay then. It’s amazing the effect of stopping for a few seconds though. The next quarter of a mile is like running with lead weights on the ankles, yet before I stopped, I felt okay.

Monday 10th April

Happy birthday to meee
Happy birthday to meee
Happy birthday dear Grumpeee
Happy birthday to meee!
Does this mean I have to change the title of my diary? – Naw, it’s close enough, and I can never remember what age I am anyway so it hardly matters.
I have rather a LARGE family lunch (…that’s lunch with the family, not that I ate a large family) and miss dinner with the result I can run earlier in the evening. Did I mention that we’re being sponsored by Lucozade? Apparently it keeps top athletes going for 33% longer. Previously I have been drinking half a bottle before and half when I finish. I wonder if I drink a full bottle beforehand, will it keep me going 66% longer?
NO! Instead keeping me going longer, it HAS me going EARLIER! Despite answering the call of nature before leaving the house, I need to do so again after only a couple of miles. Does this imply that I’m not a top athlete? I head round in the direction of the public conveniences, BUT
1. They’re not convenient, and
2. They’re not public – they’re shut!
I run round to John Street, but there’s not a “John” to be seen. Maybe Kimble’s massacred them all on Hamburger Hill! The muscles are beginning to ache, or at least one muscle is beginning to ache – a certain sphincter muscle! By three miles, I’m slowing considerably – it’s hard to run cross-legged! I curse these clear nights and lack of discrete hedgerows. Then I have inspiration – there is a certain youth establishment where I would be known to the leaders – it’s near at hand, and they have a John! Relief beyond belief, but then the same problems as yesterday – it’s hard to get going again having stopped. I manage to complete 5 miles in a similar time to previously and call it a day.

Tuesday 11th April

Careful control of liquid intake today! Back to the hills tonight, and decide that I’m going to try running faster!!!! At only 2.5 miles and hopefully a shorter time, there’s no need to pre-hydrate. The first 2 miles go very well, but then I feel a tightness in my hamstring – the other one from last time (moan moan moan, whinge whinge whinge). I’m obviously built for distance, not for speed. I slow it up and cruise home without aggravating it. I’ve still taken 3 minutes off the time and recovery is much faster than previously. I decide against the isotonic restorative and look for something that goes with ice & tonic instead. Ignoring even that I settle on the elixir of life that was given me for my birthday yesterday – Bailey’s Irish Cream – only a small glass, mind (compared to a pint glass, a half-pint one IS small!). I’ve been very good really – this is possibly the first time I’ve ever kept a new bottle of the stuff a whole day without opening it. I think I could pre-hydrate or post hydrate on this stuff all the time.

Wednesday 12th April

No running today.

Thursday 13th April

Met with most of the team at Malone this evening (all except Dewi). This was meant to be a photo shoot for the Newsletter 2007 calendar or some such and Sparky was in attendance. I think the bear had been on the fermented fruit again, because when the calendar was mentioned, he (she???) immediately stripped off the shirt and wanted to do it topless!! Holywood Mike purloined it to wear and couldn’t be persuaded to give it up. Fortunately I had my “Grumpy” second barrier crew shirt with me and the photos where given a bit of decorum with Sparky wearing that. With all the weight I’ve lost, it looks like a tent on me anyway, but at least I can be seen in it; - at one stage when I wasn’t wearing it, I turned sideways and no one could see me. Considering I’d lost my voice too, so couldn’t be heard either, it was a disconcerting moment. I wonder if I could sell my body to the Ministry of Defence to help with their “stealth” technology?
Dear Reader, you may recall in the previous episode that I made a bit of a song and dance about being unwell at one stage – well, the song has ended, but the malady lingers on! (Hence the sore throat & lack of voice) I went for a 3 mile run later to try to sweat it out of me again! (I actually went for a 5 mile run, but had to cut it short by a couple of miles – the lungs are filling up again with the gunge that featured in Episode 3. Home for a large dose of medicine – Bailey’s!

Friday 14th April – the day before the Glasgow trip

I don’t think I’m going to see Glasgow

Saturday 15th April (Glasgow v Ulster)

Glasgow - Made a half-hearted attempt to kill the germs by poisoning them with alcohol. Never really got close, but took just enough to deaden the pain and lubricate the throat for one or two choruses at the match. Ulster winning away from home again is good medicine.

Sunday 16th April

I assume today happened – pain, discomfort, &illness is nature’s way of saying “you’re still alive”

Monday 17th April

Cough, cough, splutter, splutter – back to the road - 2 miles of purgatory. I need a doctor!

Tuesday 18th April

Maybe I can survive without a doctor – I hope so, cos there’s none available. Afternoon, what madness is this? I’m heading away with a group for a spell of camping in deepest Armagh!!! Will I meet Colinh in the woods? Sleeping under the stars with only a wisp of gossamer material or two between me and the elements. We get our tents pitched before the rain comes, and retire to bed after ten when the precipitation extinguishes the barbecue. By 10.20 I’m snug in my sleeping bag. By 10.24 my tent-mate is sound asleep. By 10.25 he is making sounds in his sleep that is keeping shipping off the rocks a hundred miles away! And it’s not even foggy!!!!! Midnight comes and goes, 1.00am, 2.00am, 3.00am AAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!! Unconsciousness finally overcomes me, and I am awakened just before 6.00am by the dawn chorus of chirruping birds and the by now unmistakable sound of my comrade still snoring! I arise and try to take out my anger on a couple of passing squirrels, but they’re too quick for me.

Wed & Thurs, 19th & 20th April

I had considered bringing running gear, but the basics of the showering facilities had discouraged me. I do manage to put in 10-15 miles of walking, my knapsack on my (aching) back. And home to bed.