Issue 26
   
10 September 2006
Dragons 25    Ulster 32

Ulster extended their unbeaten run to 16 with yet another win in West England. The Dragons capatilised on a couple of Ulster mistakes in the first half to stay in the game but Ulster with superior skills and confidence pulled away in the second half to secure a bonus point win.

The Ulster scrum and lineout failed to fire for much of the game but Ulster's backs always looked menacing with Paddy, Bart and Bryn all combining well to make ground at every opportunity.

Yet again McCall made good use of the bench and Ulster really are becoming a force to be reckoned with this year.

Ulster's scores came from Bryn (2), Campbell and Maxi and all four were well worked efforts. The FRU Man of the Match was Bryn who really is worth a call up to the national side based on his early season form.

It has since been pointed out that it was Declan Fitzpatrick that scored and not Kieran Campbell see Letters to the Editor below.

INTISTA Week 2. Have Your Cake...

Midweek games now included.

Kimble pulls away at the top of the leader board now that the midweek games have been added.

Despite a late entry with the midweek fixtures Pwr fails to score and the Gingerbread Man keeps up his amazing record of none right out of 12.

Hound is leading the pack at the minute but Bull and Wolf had solid weeks and are ready to push on.

Loose Head Poop is still leading the works league but Stormin Norman has closed the gap. Bruised Plums and GAAGirl are fighting it out at the back.

With it all to play for make sure you get your entries in for 6:00pm Friday 15th Septemeber

The FRU's own very round, all-round sports fan ,THP, enjoyed a great sporting week last week. Firstly he was ''over the moon'' with Norn Iron's historic football victory over Spain and later he was definitely ''not as sick as a parrot'' when the Ulster Rugby Team triumphed over the Dragons.

However, as a dyed in the wool Southampton Football Club supporter, the icing on THP's cake(s) was the news that Sir Clive Woodward was leaving the club after being ''head hunted'' by the British Olympic Association as Director Elite Performance for the 2012 London Olympics. Speaking exclusively to the FRU, Sir Clive described his new post ''the biggest challenge in British Sport'' but thankfully not as difficult as trying to find a humorous article on the Prologue website or identifying a topic on which Ballpark was not a self proclaimed expert !!

Tighty's Cake - thoroughly enjoyed.


Search party look for humour in Prologue.

FRU PRONOUNCE FATWA ON JOURNALIST

''The Front Row Union could do well to scrutinise Tom Court's membership. Not only does the former Queensland Red tight head boast a degree in psychology and postgraduate Diploma in organisational psychology, but the 24 year old's favourite pastime is reading and cites controversial British Indian essayist and fiction writer Salman Rushdie as his favourite writer'' Gavin Mairs. Belfast Telegraph

Late last night the local Chapter of the Grand Lodge of the Front Row Union – FRU ( NI ) 123 --met to consider the damaging implications of the above comments which were contained in an article published in a local daily newspaper .The meeting, which was lengthy, heated and at times sweaty, lasted until well after midnight, prompting one erudite FRU member to highlight that they were indeed ''Midnight's Children'' !!

After the meeting the following statement was released by a FRU Spokesman.

"While the FRU welcomes the publicity afforded to Ulster Rugby in general and in particular the focus on our new Antipodean member, Mr Thomas Court, we strongly resent the unmistakable implication in the article that other FRU members are - in general - a few


Tom Court - can do hard sums and read big books!

Marked man Gavin Mairs (right) being closely watched by Friends of FRU.

Ballparks short of an Olympic Stadium or, in other words , like Jamesie compared with a fully qualified lawyer.’’ Continuing, the spokesman emphasised "FRU Members are well -if not overly -represented in most professions and we will be asking our Hon President- DR S Millar - to make a formal protest to the employers of this "jumped up hack". The matter has also been placed in the hands of our solicitors – Messers Sue Grabbit & Runne – who will be issuing a mass action for defamation against the paper on behalf of all FRU members.’’

However, and most worryingly for the local scribbler, was the spokesman’s final statement when he solemnly announced "that the militant wing of the FRU had prevailed in the discussion and a FATWA has been pronounced on the author."

The FRU spokesman refused to be drawn any further on this last issue, but as he retreated into the building, a group of heavily built men – complete with scrum caps and jock straps were seen leaving by the back door. By the time this reporter had made his way to the rear of the building all he could identify was the lingering smell of Deep Heat and the fading sound of voices which appearing to be chanting "Hanging’s too good for the …………… we’ll show him who’s thick’’.

Letters to the Editor

Send your letters here.

 

Master,

Re: Your reference to "trying to find a humorous article on the Prologue website" - Definitely a case of "Ooh, err, missus - titter ye not!"

Yours etc

L. Urcio
Ed - Now I think that's enough mentions for the Prologue. They may get 10 hits this week with all the publicity.

 

Dear Eejitor,

I know you may be under severe pressure from the "do gooders and Graniard Readers of South Kensington and South Belfast" to make the FRU an inclusive organisation. However to credit the winning try in Saturday’s match report to a Jessie Back – Kieran Campbell* – when it was actually scored by a genuine FRU member – Declan Fitzpatrick – is tantamount to treason and taking political correctness too far !!! It will not be tolerated !!!!

Captain Black – Continuity FRU

* Kieran Campbell - Top man, great break but still a Jessie !!
Ed - Oops of course it was Declan that scored after Kieran's break. Too many Magners by that stage I'm afraid.

 

Dear Eedie,

I note that every time the 'boys' and huns on tour have an article in your e-steamed rag they accompany it with a group pic which is usually about 6 months out of date as if trying to remind everyone they actually exist. Unlike the legendary grousebeaters who have no need for such bogus publicity and are never ever pictured together in one place at any one time.

Yours,

G. Bater.
Ed - While some of the Hounds pictures may be a bit dated I can assure you that the BOT picture in Issue 25 was taken on the 2nd Sept. Expect more up to date pics from the Edinburgh trip next week.

 

Dear Ed

We note from this weeks issue that the Gras*beaters seem to have a major deep fried section of potato on their shoulders. We can't claim to have seen many photos of their esteemed bunch and their claim that they are, "never ever pictured together in one place at one time" only backs up our allegation that they don't actually exist and are the figment of imagination of some egotistical maniac who uses pictures of farmyard toys to depict his imaginary friends! Therefore, we wish to challenge said Gras*beaters to meet us in the Roseburn on Friday night for a group photo showdown! We expect to see Farmer Grouse and his Tonka Truck in attendance.

Yours,

The Hounds



Wardie waiting outside the Roseburn for the Gras*beaters to show!

 


Dear editor person,


I must protest most strongly about your organ. "G Bater" is not a member of the GB's (fer goodness sake we have better names than that).

But worst of all, there is the ridiculous picture of a tractor and trailer which you claim is ours. Just look closely would ye? The one in your picture is GREEN, our's, as everyone knows, is RED AND WHITE. Also, the trailer has a wee door thing at the back - our's doesn't. How else would Boomshanka keep falling out?

On another issue, we would be delighted to have a drink with the Houds of Ulser in the Rosie. However, there are 2 conditions,

1. They buy (see GB's Code of Honour Paragraph 12 Section 3 Sub-section 5a - this reads, " On no condition will a GB buy drinks for other fan groups whether real or imaginary").

2. No photographs (Scrumstretcher's arrest warrant is still in force and we don't want to traumatise the donkey any further).

Yours etc,

Gaz Grousebeater

Ed - I think you will find that G. Bater is infact one of your own. You will find him at home "tending the pigs" while you are all away! The tractors identity has been changed to protect the innocent!

 

Dear Thingy,

You seem to have fallen for the old Dead Brain trick. I cannot believe that you think "G Bater" is actually "Ballpark". A close study of his letter shows there is a mere 70 -odd words and most of them are spelt correctly.

I rest my case,

Gaz Grousebeater

 


Dear Housebeaters,

'One bar to many' is seen as a challenge and I feel that if we meet at Rutland Headquarters at 15:42 we will be able to be at the Rosburn Bar at 18:41, attending each bar in turn, allowing for 28 minutes spontaneous weakness with those 'dancing ladies' by Moore, Wolf, and then again by Wolf and Moore.

We may be weakened by our ordeal, ravaged by dodgey Scottish Guinness, and have our numbers depleated by casualties of lax Embra sauna law, but we should be there. As god is my witness... etc, etc.

Bull.
Ed - Looks like things are going to get messy. Remember to send your pictures to thefru@btinternet.com

The Grousebeaters Big Day Out.

The Grousebeaters are pleased to announce their first away outing of the new season. The whole crew, with the exception of Ballpark who will be left behind to mind the pigs, will be joining the URSC gathering in the “Rosie”. This has created some confusion as we were convinced that the “Rosie” was rather nearer to Ravers than Murrayfield, but we’re just doing as we’re told,

There is a rumour, probably put out somewhat spuriously by URSC on Tour, that Chairman Kimble will be supplying drinks to all fans before the match. Well if Ulster Rugby doesn’t want the tackle-bags, I think we can all agree Mr Kimble’s gesture of goodwill towards us all is a most suitable means of using up Club funds. I would hope that even Cockaleekie ,or whatever his name is, is well impressed.

However, we remain more than a bit suspicious that this is merely a false promise, made solely with the hope it will encourage more people to turn up. As a result, we are bringing £3.50 to cover our own drinks just in case. (Booms is bringing £1.50 – but he’s from Ballyclare).

I hope that those part-time supporters – The Hunds of Ulter, or The honds of Uster (depending on who actually turns up) – will be able to find their way to the place, but having studied their itinerary I suspect it might be just one bar too many. On the other hand, they might, like Freddie Benson in a bordello, rise to the challenge. Time will tell.
Calling the Clan of Hounds - Edinburgh Tour 2006

The Hounds will be meeting at the Hound's Edinburgh Club House, Rutland Hotel at 4pm on Friday 15th September, where we will hydrate and carb up the body for the hard training session ahead. The PACK as always will lead the way. We will be meeting up with our Scottish based Brethren there; Wolf, The Bull, Fishy McBride & Monsieur Moore.

Anyone else going to the Gunners game and would like to joy us in a bit of light refreshment and craic is more than welcome. After the game we will be attending our other club house, the Edinburgh Men's Social Club aka The Western Bar, to discuss the finer details of the game.

If it is your first time in Edinburgh the Rutland Hotel is situated on the corner of Shandwick place and Lothian Rd, at the end of Princess Street. Not the Waverley Bridge/Train Station end.

Hound.

 
       
   
       
   




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