Well, what a load of absolute dross served up by Ulster.

The highlight of the first half occurred on the 32 minute when Mr Derg Senior, so unfulfilled by offerings on the pitch, decided to treat himself to some tastier fayre off the pitch.

It is believed that this tightwad prudent gentleman has not splashed out on such a treat since the 2002 Celtic Cup Final when, buoyed by Ulster's magnificent win, he treated the whole Derg family to a battered sausage supper. People in Omagh are still talking about this extravagance.

Mr Derg Senior's purchase consisted of two quarter pound beef burgers with onions served in a lightly toasted bread bun and a portion of chips. Total cost £5.20 though he got the 20 pence off by pretending he had no change.

Mrs Derg Senior was so delighted by this purchase that it was nearly all gone before our photographer could get their camera out to record this historic moment.

Believe it or not, the second half was even worse and it's best to just gloss over it all together. ( Still having nightmares over the Beattie try!)

After the match the well healed but still disgruntled supporters retired the SCOOP Bar where chief Ulster cheerleader Dewi Barnes tried to raise the spirits of the deflated crowd.

Fortunately Dewi was able to regale the audience with his tales of his many exploits at last weeks Cardiff game and soon he had them rolling in the isles can be seen from the picture of Gary and Steph wetting themselves!

FRU Man of the Match goes to Tommy Bowe.

This article was brought to you by Dergfamily® Productions. Names have been changed to protect the innocent! © 2007.

This week we've had a look at Ulster's third most popular website over at www.uafc.co.uk for the aftermath from the Glasgow game. First teddy out of the pram comes from the amusingly named For Dog and Ulster, who barks, "This performance was another disgrace. These guys are a joke!! Time to fall on the sword. You know it makes sense. They have no idea what is wrong and no strategies to fix it." Unfortunately, For Dog and Ulster shows the same level of imagination as he did when he chose his name and omits to offer any meaningful alternatives and appears to have misplaced his strategy.

Well known rugby legend and French exile, Le Paul must have been loitering around the messageboard waiting for someone to start an anti McCall thread, for in less than no time he's on spouting the usual garbage in French.

The legendary Jackie Brown adds his formidable weight behind the argument when he opines, "I'm sure there are a brave few out there who could do a better job." But still no names! Does he mean Ballpark?

Not content with his initial outburst Le Paul points out how his strong background in HR techniques could help Ulster Rugby with the priceless advice, "It follows then that if you have a member of staff who is failing to achieve even the most minimalist level of results or production, that you deal with that individual for the good of the company, its staff and ultimately its shareholders. In this scenario, McCall would have gone through his verbal and then written warnings a long time ago and subsequently sacked." So every coach in the Magners league, except the winners, should be sacked? Maybe they could all just move round one club. I'd love to see Le Paul give his verbal warning and corrective counseling to Besty!

Hurrah, finally Red Hand Hero comes up with a list of alternatives, even if some are spelt incorrectly! So in whose hands does the future of Ulster lie?

"Nuciforca(sic) (contract up with the Blues, though most likely to go wallabies)." Hmm, I'm sure Blues coach David Nucifora is sitting by his phone waiting on that call from Belfast HQ. Next!

"E.Jones-alledged that he might join up with Gaffney @ Sarries. He'd be worth a shot. Maybe a bit of a loose cannon." Ah yes, let's go for the coach with the worst international record in the history of Australian Rugby! Is his full name not "Eddie Jones Tri Nations Whitewash?" Next!

"Gatland-Coming back north after apparently standing no chance of getting the AB in the near future." I hear that this is the one that Eddie O'Sullivan favours, after all he stole his players once before. Unfortunately the lawyer have stopped this one! Next!

"B.McLaughlin-Has done wonders with the Irish forwards since he joined eddie and his merry gang. Logical step after that is surely a provincial job..?" Ah, the 15 forwards strategy, maybe it's one way of making sure that Neil McMillan stays next year. Who'll take the kicks?

"AN Other-it's not our jobs to look for coaches thats what Reid is meant to do." Well, Mr Other has been selected in a lot of teams so he should have plenty of experience. However I've yet to see him turn up!

But what's this, is Le Paul finally throwing his hat into the ring with this Balparkesque outburst? "I have spent 25 years giving advice to small to medium entreprises and there is a common thread. They believe thay can do it - the 2nd common thread is this; they rarely ever bloody well do it " You forgot the third thread Paul; you giving them advice. So thanks for your application, blah, blah, blah - you should know the rest by now.

Mind you it appears that Ulster have been managed by everyone's favourite fifteen year old mouthy brat backofthepack who makes the shocking confession, "McCall has said things aren't going well but hasn't really come out and said its all my fault." Bratofthepack continues to implicate himself with, "Quite probably because his job is already on the line and an admission like that could well push Reid into sacking him. Good thing is he isnt on a huge salary so pay off wouldnt be huge if they do sack him." Yeah, well, such faultless logic cannot be argued with. Don't admit to your boss that your taking advice on coaching from a fifteen year old brat and don't ask for a big salary so you won't miss it when your sacked! Mind you, its better advice than Le Paul's!

The final word goes, yet again, to our old friend Off the Top who appears keen to get together with "Ulster Stalwart" Browner and start a rugby coach recruitment company with these words, "There are lots of good coaches out there Browner, we only have to look and offer the right package." So with these pair "looking and offering the right package" it looks like McCall's safe for another year!

Aries (March 21-April 19) Mike Reid
Your secret ambition to become a vegetarian can be realised now that you have convinced yourself that cows and chickens are plants.

Taurus (April 20-May20) The General
A casual remark by your employer that you are spending a lot of time browsing rugby websites quickly escalates and only ends when you heed the advice of the policeman with the megaphone to lay down your weapon.

Gemini ( May21-June21) Holywood Mike
You've long said that if an obsessive love of cheerleaders is a crime, then you are guilty. Now, however, it's time to get your opinion on their brutal murders.

Cancer (June22-July22) Jamesie
An abrupt cessation of the constant torrent of photographs of yourself on the internet gives rise to wild speculation that you have met a sudden and violent end. There is muted relief when it emerges that it was because your camera was broken for two days.

Leo (July 23-Aug22)The Original Kimble
Concerns by your friends that you are living in a fantasy world are not dispelled when you tell them that your recent exploits involved you in a plane crash and sword fight.

Virgo(Aug23-Sept22) Cap'n Grumpy
Take a little time this week to think about those closest to you among the second barrier crew and consider the possibility that they are the ones behind the assassination attempts.

Libra (Sept23-Oct23) Gary
Claims that you take no shit and that no one tells you what to do are not verified by your guards or the warden.

Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21)Freddy Benson
You will soon discover the only brand of stylish, functional, high-tec sunglasses that make you feel like a complete man.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec21) Rooster
You will be shocked and embarrassed when the arresting officers inform you that cockfighting is supposed to involve chickens.

Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19)Ballpark
After 25 long years you will finally be admitted to the Ulster Rugby Hall of Fame when you stump up the £3.00 entrance price.

Aquarius (Jan20-Feb18) Ultimate Ulster Chick
You will soon meet the man you'll spend the rest of your life with. Shortly after that, you will meet the man you'll want to spend the rest of your life with.

Pisces (Feb19-Mar20)Dewi Barnes
Although you have never held yourself up as a role model for kids maybe it is just as well because nowadays kids want to be popular and interesting.