Ireland's second string took their third pounding in a row, this time against a rejuvenated Scotland. The home side looked fitter, stronger and more confident than their Irish counterparts and if it wasn't for their distinct lack of quality outside 10 (including Ulster's new boy Dewey) it could have been a rout of Wales/England proportions.
Two of the Ireland back row and all the back three were fighting for the last seats on the plane to France. However they appeared ill served by their teammates who seemed reluctant to stand up to a rambunctious Scottish pack. Certainly O'Connell appeared to have left his aggression on the training pitch and it is hoped that nothing like the vision of the waif like Henderson brushing past BOD and O' Gara for his first and third tries will not be repeated next month.
The chance to cultivate and bed in new players has now past and very few of the second string have played in any meaningful games. O' Stunted has wasted what is generally regarded as the most talented generation of Irish Rugby players ever.
Ireland's World Cup campaign now consists of playing one big game against either France or, more likely, Argentina and hoping that will be enough to get them to the quarters for a valiant defeat against the eventual winners, New Zealand.
O' Stunted practices the
Irish Haka in preparation
for the inevitable Quarter Final against New Zealand.
Unfortunately Ireland's World Cup campaign has had to suffer for O' Stunted's ego and the fragility of the supporters confidence. Ireland have steadfastly failed to build for the future all for the price of a few tainted Triple Crowns.
Ireland now go forward into the 2007 World Cup about as well prepared as the ill fated Lions of 2005. O' Stunted appears to have learnt nothing from that disastrous tour. Ireland's campaign has exactly the same over-reliance on an injury prone group of experienced players. For Delallio and Wilkinson read O'Connell and O' Gara. For BOD read BOD. Don't be surprised if Ireland next signing to the management team is a Spin Doctor!
Your Personalised Horror Scopes. By Mystic Keg.
Aries (March 21-April 19) The Fat Controller A cursory glance at yet another new fangled ‘eat right and exercise’ diet plan is enough to convince you to give it a wide berth as you are sure that it would ruin your appetite.
Taurus (April 20-May20) Gary You’ll experience a strange mix of random violence, stultifying boredom, physical fitness, and financial roulette, after becoming an Ulster Rugby player.
Gemini (May21-June21) Holywood Mike Soon you will undertake a major DIY job involving hammers, chisels, and hacksaws. When gouging with chisels keep the beveled side uppermost and ensure that the cheerleader is strapped down tight.
Cancer (June22-July22) Shafted Knee The uselessness of National Health Service three month warranties will become apparent to you shortly after you begin the ninety first day with your new artificial knees.
Virgo(Aug23-Sept22) Cap’n Grumpy You still have no idea what makes women tick, despite having asked literally hundreds of watchmakers.
Libra (Sept23-Oct23) The General
Your attempts to lighten the mood by organising a little sing-along are not appreciated by anyone else in the smoke filled aeroplane.
Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21) Freddy Benson
You are constantly mystified by everyone’s ability to deduce your musical tastes, political beliefs, and sexual habits, from your T-shirts.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec21) Ballpark
Your refusal to become a team player is a disappointment to others in your sign. Remember it’s not Sagittari-you
Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19) Rooster
Stop worrying! It’s impossible to be perfect, and people enjoy most everything about you. It’s not your fault that your gizzard is tough, stringy, and tasteless.
Aquarius (Jan20-Feb18) Ultimate Ulster Chick
Your admirable decision to lead a life of honesty and moral rectitude will disbar you from working in advertising , marketing , law, estate agency, politics, construction, media, sport, or religion. You should seriously consider astrology.
Pisces (Feb19-Mar20) Dewi Barnes
Stop caring so much about what your friends think. You should only care about the opinions of decent people.
FRU Classifieds.
Place your ad with the FRU. Over the past 18 months we have sold over 4 metres of strawberry bootlace,7 liquorice pipes, and 3 duck eggs. We only charge £2 an inch and would especially like to hear from painters or decorators selling forty foot ladders.
Stretch Armstrong. With worsening hernia, hence £15. Ring 0860-222333 ask for Ard Mike
Mini Weightlifting Course. Build up muscle tone over short distance between my front door and my car boot using two carefully calibrated Samsonite weights plus hand luggage. Course takes place 0715 to 0716 on Friday 24 August 2007. I will be off to Corfu shortly afterwards. Ring 03999-762000 ask for Pervyfan!
Loft Conversions. Turn your loft into a cellar, or a stable, or a garage, or a beer tent. Ring Youngman 0123-456789 for an outrageous quote.
Rabbits, parrots, snakes, lizards, tortoises, hamsters, cats, dogs. Fried rice 50p extra. Guaranteed delivery within 30minutes. Free prawn crackers with orders over £15. Ring The General on 0121-023234
Keen Record Collector seeks 16s, 33s, 45s and 78s, for fun nights out and perhaps more? Ring 0345-987621 ask for Crafty!
Auctioneers gavel. Do I hear £5? Ring 01299-456789
Ladies Buttocks. All shapes and sizes considered. No call out charge for inspection. Ring Jamesie on 01999-732654
Men’s Beige Trousers. 36in waist, 31in inside leg, 28in piss stain. 50p. Ring 1299-123456 Ask for Kimble.
35,000,000 Air Miles. Will accept £700. Reluctant sale after being sacked and banned from flying, due to drunkenness, threatening to glass a stewardess, and being unfit to land a plane or teach minors. Ring 01999-111011 Ask for Mr Derg.
Pocket Thermometer. Find out how hot your pockets are in seconds. £10. Ring Goody on 01999-456987
Ride On Lawnmower with twin turntables, four 30Kw amplifiers, and 48 inch cut with roller. Would suit ride on DJs for discos in the park £300 Ring 0123-765432ask for Mike or Rob
SCRBBL cnsnnt gm. £5. Rng 0129-234765 sk fr L'Pl
Two wheeled tricycle.£55 Ring Browner on 01998-324601
Rowing Machine. Start a row anywhere! In pubs, streets, sports stadiums, or empty house. Comes with telephone numbers of riot squad, three mediation counselors, and extensive row starting vocabulary eg. ‘You looking at me ? You‘re just like your mother! Hey Trev! The drink in your pub is not fit for rinsing pubic hairs off urinals! etc., etc.’. £78. Ring Dewi on 01299-345321 if you know what’s good for you!
Spiral Staircase for sale. Steps, banisters, and hand rails, all missing. Might suit Fire Station.£100 ovno. Ring 0342-123456 ask for CT.
Lonely in Larne?
Looking for a night out in Larne?
Book your ticket for what promises to be an excellent nights entertainment at Larne Grammar.
Re-live your old school days and chat to past internationals.
Welcome back, hope you like the new look FRU. To quote our friends in Scoop "It may look new but it's still the same old jokes!"
Big thanks to Roy (Hotspur) for his help in putting this issue together.
We're planning an exciting season with World Cup Predictions League as well as the Magners Prediction League. There will actually be real prizes this year so watch this space for details.
Now the World Cup Squad has been selected we hope to complete our plans for the FRU Awards Night with the help of our Chairman Fitzy and our friends at Maddisons. Check back for details.
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