There was much finger
pointing this week over the so called "Battle of
Bayonne". "Why, oh why were Ireland
asked to play a team of Frenchies and Argies?", has been
wailed across many a message board in the Irish rugby world.
Some people seem to forget that rugby is a contact
sport and why anyone should be surprised or dismayed about the nature
of this game is beyond me. Taking out a "mouthy centre"
is every Second Row's dream. If that centre is arguably the best
in the world so much the better. Rugby has always been thus!
It is indisputable that Ireland needed this game.
O'Stunted's piss poor selection policy over the last two years forced
him to play the second string over the last three games. This left
the first string without a game since the end of the six nations
and match time was much needed.
Instead of asking why this game was played against
Bayonne the Irish Rugby public should be asking why Ireland are
embarking on this campaign with two such clearly defined teams and
why Ireland's (quickly disappearing) chances depend on three injury
prone players staying the course of the campaign.
The Irish Knights of the Red Branch battle the Frogs
French in Bayonne to see which flag will be flown at the Hill of
the Raven where the Irish will battle the Roman hordes!
We should also be asking why Donncha O'Callaghan
felt the need to state, "Neil Best took
unbelievable punishment all night - cheap shots, hit late, hit
from behind, grabbing him, gouging him, everything. For a fella
who put up with as much as he put up with before he actually snapped,
I've so much respect for him."
Now Donncha is regarded as a top bloke by all those who have
met him, but in the past he's never been slow in dishing it out
on the pitch. This is the same Donncha O'Callaghan who four years
ago in the CL semi-final between Munster and Ulster punched Jeremy
Davidson from behind and proceeded to dish out cheap shots which
culminated in, our beloved chairman, Fitzy getting
sent off. Instead of giving his angst ridden post match interview
would the bold Donncha not have been better employed coming to
the aid of his teammate? Hmm!
Next Week: Will Ireland "Fly
the Flag" at Ravenhill!
Your Personalised Horror
Scopes. By Mystic Keg.
Aries (March
21-April 19) The Fat Controller
Though you are unable to cultivate a reputation as a great lover
of women, your reputation as a great lover of Ulster Fries will
remain undiminished !
Taurus (April 20-May20) Gary
You will achieve huge success in advertising once you learn to underestimate
the intelligence of the average Ulster rugby supporter.
Gemini ( May21-June21) Holywood Mike
Try looking at it this way. Maybe you’re normal, and it’s
the people who don’t give a shit about cheerleaders who are
weird !
Cancer (June22-July22) Kerry Fisher
Give a starving man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach
him how to cook a fish though, and he’ll starve to death with
a much clearer picture of what he is missing.
Leo (July 23-Aug22)The
Original Kimble The only thing which keeps you from realising your potential
is the depressing awareness that it wouldn’t take much time
or effort.
Virgo(Aug23-Sept22) Cap’n Grumpy
Some people are visual learners, others are auditory learners, but
you learn best when it is beaten into you.
Libra (Sept23-Oct23) The General
Years of practice can give yoga devotees the ability to touch the
backs of their necks with their toes but you can perform the same
feat most nights just by drinking 12 pints of Guinness.
Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21) Freddy Benson
Great news! A poll of your peers will vote overwhelmingly in favour
of you being buried in the ‘Tomb of the Well Known Pollster’.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec21) Ballpark
If you really want to achieve your ambition to become a top class
prop forward then you would need to supplement your diet with vitamin
B-12, magnesium, glutamine, amino acids, horse steroids, and zinc.
Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19) Rooster
In Middletown, Co. Armagh, local councilors will ban all dancing
in the vicinity after witnessing your ungainly attempts during the
‘Birdie Song’!
Aquarius (Jan20-Feb18) Ultimate Ulster Chick
Problems you’ve experienced in the bedroom for some time,
will be solved, once you get professional decorators in.
Pisces (Feb19-Mar20) Dewi Barnes
Your claim that drinking copious amounts of alcohol makes warts
and wrinkles disappear is sometimes true, but apparently it only
applies to the women you’re looking at while you are drinking
!
O'Stunted
Speaks!
The FRU tried ever so slightly
to get an interview with Eddie O’Sullivan before the World
Cup but we failed miserably. However, we remain undaunted
and would like to present an imaginary interview with
Eddie in which we think we can read his mind and present
to you the answers he would have given anyway. Here we
go:-
FRU. Eddie, up until fairly recently all the
polls suggested that you weren’t the most popular of coaches
for the Ireland team. What do you say to that?
EOS. I take no notice of that sort of thing.
Polls are for dogs!
FRU. How much difference does it make to have
a little bit of good luck in this competition ?
EOS. It makes a hell of a difference. Luck
means a lot. For example, not having a good coach is bad luck.
Ireland don’t have that problem, luckily !
FRU. After you finished playing did you set
out intentionally to be a Coach?
EOS. No! I wanted to be a referee but unfortunately
I had 20-20 vision, which sort of ruled that out.
FRU. Are you happy with the way your tactical
plans have been implemented on the training pitch?
EOS. In theory there is no difference between
theory and practice, but in practice there is.
FRU. What did the tour to Argentina tell you
about the players on that tour or, who impressed you?
EOS. Without a doubt Neil Best created the
biggest impression, but it was on an Argentine player’s
head. We now call him Lurpak - the best butter in the world!
FRU. It must be a big tactical advantage having
almost the entire Munster pack together in the team because they
know each other’s plays and moves?
EOS. Not so sure about that because when
those Munster boys manage to get their boots on the right feet,
for them the mental challenge of the game is largely over!
FRU. Surely having a player of the stature of
Paul O’Connell leading the pack is a huge bonus for Ireland?
EOS. Without a doubt ! When POC gets his
contact lenses in the right eyes he can be devastating !
FRU. What do you think of the English Rugby
team ?
EOS. I’ve seen better centres in a
box of Black Magic!
FRU. Has Andy Farrell not impressed you then?
EOS. He’s a very deceptive player-
he’s even slower than he looks!
FRU. What about Brian O’ Driscoll ? Does
he have a weakness?
EOS. Yes! He can’t cook !
FRU. Can Ireland win the World
Cup ?
EOS. You’ve got to believe
that you’re going to win, and I believe we will win the World
Cup right up until we’re knocked out !
FRU. Who do you think has the
best team in the World Cup ?
EOS. The All Blacks definitely.
On paper, man for man, they stand out like a dog’s balls.
FRU. What do you think about the
chances of Scotland?
O'Stunted answers The FRU's tricky questions with a little
help from Mark McCall. (Now wash your hands Mark!)
EOS. I have
some sympathy for Frank Hadden in charge of Scotland. The whole
Edinburgh v SRU argument is a mess and has left everyone as confused
as a baby in a topless bar. To say that the people who run Scottish
rugby are incompetent is to flatter them. They are about as useless
as Madonna’s pyjamas!
FRU. Despite the recent trouncing
by England the Welsh still seem to fancy their chances of doing
something big in the World Cup. What do you think ?
EOS. They are under a lot
of pressure from their support. One wag even suggested that Katherine
Jenkins should be the coach and Gareth Jenkins should sing the anthem.
FRU. Can you really discount a
team who always seem to be a bit more streetwise than any of the
other home nations?
EOS. The Welsh are not nearly
as inventive as they were back in the 70’s. I heard a quote
by JPR Williams the other day which summed it up. He said ,’The
current Welsh international team don’t even have the imagination
to thump someone in the line out when the referee isn’t looking’.
FRU. What is your view on letting
wives and girlfriends come along to the World Cup ?
EOS. I don’t think they
should be near the lads during the World Cup. You don’t take
your wife to work and these lads are at work. Besides , the longer
they go without seeing each other the better it will be when they
do meet up again, especially if we get a good run I’m convinced
that we will do well and by the time they meet up with the wives
the lads will have enough in the bag to shampoo a buffalo!
FRU. Is it true that during the
Lions tour that you refused to play golf with Alistair Campbell
?
EOS. Absolutely! I told him
that if I wanted to play with a prick I’d play with my own.
The last I saw him he was walking down Lovers Lane holding his own
hand!
FRU. Finally Eddie, what motivates
you to succeed ?
EOS. Many a man has decided
to succeed, not because of the will to succeed, but because of the
determination not to give assorted bastards the satisfaction of
his failure !
FRU. Thanks Eddie.
EOS. No problem ! Do you want
me to autograph that football for you ?
Lonely in Larne?
Looking for a night out in Larne?
Book
your ticket for what promises to be an excellent nights entertainment
at Larne Grammar.
Re-live your old school days and chat to past internationals.