Ulster
handed themselvesin to South Wales Police
after this game stating that they had lost their identity
12 months ago when on a team bonding canoeing exercise
at The Best Brothers Adventure Centre, Portadown.
As well as losing their identity Ulster
appeared, in front of 8,000 witnesses, to lose their ability
to tackle and to pass the ball. "It appears",
said one shocked witness, "that Ulster have completely
forgotten that they used to have the best defence in the
Magners League. All they do now is overcrowd the midfield
and wave the opponents through on the outside. I wish
we could go back to the good old days of Mark McCall.
Last year we won two of these Heineken Cup matches. Those
were the days my friend, I thought they'd never end!"
With three of the FRU's panel of judges
forgetting to send their nominations in The FRU
Man of the Match goes to Tommy Bowe
who got the only vote.
Tommy is pictured
with Mrs Derg from the London Irish game this time last
year, but by all accounts he's forgotten about her already!
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In The News.
Another
great trip, another disappointing game.
Swansea is definitely one of the best set-ups for the
rugby enthusiast with friendly pubs and friendly locals.
Unfortunately every time we go there
it's full of Munsters but I suppose after six or seven
pints they're all right as well (besides they tend to
go to bed early)!
Big thanks to the Ospreys supporter who
gave us a lift in to Wind Street after the game. Hospitality
above and beyond, and much appreciated.
While we were away it appears that Ulster Rugby got
themselves in the news again for all the wrong reasons.
Imagine Big Mike losing all those applications when
he called in at Kentucky Fried on the way home from
a business lunch.
I'm sure Grem and Neil have kept multiple copies and
by all accounts young Colzo can't wait to get his crayons
out again!
At least me and The Cap'n can't be blamed as we were
in Swansea, weren't we Cap'n.
Does a No. 38 bus go past the Kentucky Fried?
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Letters to the Editor.
Dear
Ed
Was I in Swansea, I can't remember!
I think I was in Swansea - but it might have been after
the match before I got there, I can't remember. Could
you please check your photos to see if I was there?
I seem to recall something about missing a bus, and setting
out by canoe, but then perhaps instead of reaching Swansea,
I may only have been swanning around in the sea.
I can't remember!
Cap'n G
PS. It's a No32 bus that goes past KFC! (That much I
DO remember!)
Dear
Editor and Chief,
I C THAT BEEFY WAS AT THE LAST ULSTER MATCH WITH SADIE,
I NOTICED THAT MRS BEEFEY HAS A RING ON, HAS HE SOMETHING
TO TELL US?
Yours,
The Larne Boys!
Dear
Editor and Chief,
Re: Larne Boys : In reply, Wee Sadie's
a Ponty girl, was just unsure who ROG played for, job
done. But well spotted (esp. for that time of night)!
Merry Xmas... The South Wales Massive.
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News
from the Colonies
In
order to know more about the girls from
Milwaukee, The FRU sent out an intensive
questionnaire and personality profile to determine just
what type of girls will be visiting our dear shores.
We'll be reproducing the results over
the next few weeks, culminating with a classification
of "Fruette" or
"Players Wife".
Below is the first of the series.
Question 4. (Ulster Player.) Which Ulster
Player would you most like to meet?
While most of the girls expressed a desire to meet
all the Ulster players some did state
their personal preference.
Out in front is "Yummy"Niall O'Connor with Hugo,
Trimby and "The Front
Row" coming in a close second.
It all got a bit much for Panthers
flanker Ciala Ney (right) who could
only reply, "Umm!"
Question
5. (Rugby Appreciation.) Do you prefer Niall O'Connor
or Justin Fitzpatrick?
This question was asked to determine
if the girls appreciated the pouting, flouting backs or
the rock hard, solid, reliable forwards.
Unfortunately 63% of the girls went for
"Still Yummy"
Niall O'Connor compared to 37% going for our
own Chairman Justin Fitzpatrick.
Obviously the girls have a bit of work
to do on their rugby appreciation before their visit in
January!.
Question
6. (Weight Watchers.) Do you prefer an Ulster Fry or a
nice salad?
As everyone knows, what you eat is very
important to an athlete, and we were pleased to find out
that the majority of the girls went for the nourishing,
high calorie, Ulster Fry (though only just)!
However to achieve true Front Row Union
superstardom four of the girls expressed preferences for
Justin Fitzpatrick and an Ulster
Fry - what a way to start the day!
Step forward Brittany Biedenbender,
Cori Jensen, Michelle Knurr
and Nikki Russell(below
left - right). With that
sort of appetite you may get trials for Ulster when you
are over!
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THP continues to pull away at the top. Can anyone
stop him?
Week 14. Heineken Cup
Weekend Friday 14th December 2007.
Ulster v Ospreys
Biarritz v Glasgow
Cardiff v Stade Francais
Dragons v Benetton Treviso
Viadana v Saracens
Gloucester v Bourgoin
Edinburgh v Leinster
Perpignan v London Irish
Wasps v Clermont Auvergne
Munster v Llanelli
Bristol v Harlequins
Toulouse v Leicester
Three groups of four.
Bonus point for each correctly predicted group.
Predictions to be in by 6:00pm Friday 14th December 2007.
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