A
better performanceby Ulster but still
someway short of what they are capable off. The individual
performances were generally fine but the collective still
needs some work.
Ulster were not helped by a shambolic
performance by Malcolm Changalang and his evil sidekick
Rob "are the camera's on me?" Dickson
as this un-dynamic duo set out to remove any continuity
from what could have been an enjoyable enough game. Unfortunately
it was ruined by inconsistency and petty calls which both
sides found difficult to deal with and the fluency of
both teams suffered.
It's still a long road for Ulster to
get back to what they are capable off but there is far
too much doom and despair on the message boards. The players
will come through this eventually and they will be all
the better for it, lets hope the same holds true for some
of our message board officionados! (Or
maybe not?) With the Ladyboys and the Monsters
up next let's hope Ulster can find that something special
and we can all look forward to a more successful 2008.
Neil Best, Dawson, McCullough all get
nominations for The FRU Man of the Match
but the casting vote goes to Bryn Cunningham
who has answered his critics with an outstanding display.
Bryn and "friend" celebrate
during a well deserved night out!
~
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~ ~ ~
In
The News.
The
FRUonce again reached out the hand of
rugby friendship and treated some of the poor and unfortunate
of Derry and Dungiven to a slap up Christmas meal at the
Rosetta prior to the Ulster v Ospreys game.
This is the second year that this charitable
organisation has treated the needy to Christmas cheer
and we were delighted that this year Santa was able to
turn up full of christmas cheer.
As can be seen from our picture to the
left Sparky also helped to make it a special day they
will all remember!
While
it may be a time for joy and celebration for The FRU,
times are still hard for all at Ulster Rugby. No decking
the halls for Mike and the gang but instead an endless
round of interviews as the search continues for the new
Ulster Coach. Due to the Fair Employment Agency having
received complaints about the appointment of the Academy
Manager from a Mr C Trice, Belfast, poor old Mike has
had to interview all the nutters less ably qualified
this week. Thanks to Mike forgetting to switch of his
bugging device the FRU have been able to pick up some
of the mad ramblings intensive interviews.
MR - Mr Lynn, could
you please give me a brief outline as to how you would
develop the team over the next two years. G.R.M. Lynn - Undoubtedly I feel
there is a lot to be said for, not beating about the
bush or anything, but what we need to do is find someone
who can, you know, make that big difference to how we
actually play. What that difference is well, that has
yet to be fully qualified but, you know, it could be
said to be intangible but clearly it is not, as other
teams are doing it and we are not, but I personally
think that if we looked hard enough we might find it,
undoubtedly! Bring back Robbie Kempson.
MR - Mr Grumpy. How
would you improve team performance in the short term.
Cap'n Grumpy - Well I think we
should work on improving their celebrations whenever
they score. If they score a try they could chant, "Give
us a T, give us a R, give us a Y - TRY!",
or if they score a really good try they could chant,
" Give us a T, give us a R, give us a R, give us
a R, give us a R, give us a Y - TRRRRY!".
If they did that and waved flags and things at the opposition
I'm sure things would improve!
MR - Mr Colzo. What
are your opinions on team selection? Colzo - I would select more Simon
Danielli's, he's big and strong and handsome and has
thighs like tree trunks. I've done some drawings of
him in crayon, do you want to see? Here's one of him
standing by the posts, here's one of him standing out
of the wing, here's one with his shirt ripped off and
his hair swept back and you can see his manly chest..
Fortunately we lost our connection at
that point! Hopefully we will be reconnected in time for
this weeks series of interviews!
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~ ~ ~
Letters
to the Editor.
Dear
Ed
Just seen a picture of one of the girls
that play rugby from Milwaukee! Just thought I'd ask if
Panthers flanker Ciala Ney is single?
Also, when do the Panthers come over
to Ulster? :)
Cheers,
Colzo Ed. The girls will be over
for the Bourgoin game in January. Ciala is very much looking
forward to meeting you!
Dear
whassisname,
With reference to the request from Colzo about the marital
status of Miss Ney, I feel duty-bound to point out to
our very attractive American friend that he is a young
lad of just six yrs of age. Would she not be much wiser
diverting her attention to someone rather more mature.
For example, in the interests of "the Special Relationship",
I would happily see Miss Ney "alright" myself.
With this in mind I enclose a photograph of me, which
I'm sure you will agree, will knock her socks off (and
hopefully lots of other items of clothing as well).
Yours in sport and breathless anticipation,
Gary Grousebeater Ed. Our man in the colonies has
informed me that Colzo is NOT in with a chance after all
as he is too far down the Predictions League to interest
Miss Ney, so you never know Gary (or should I say THP)!
~
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~ ~ ~
News
from the Colonies
In
order to know more about the girls from
Milwaukee, The FRU sent out an intensive
questionnaire and personality profile to determine just
what type of girls will be visiting our dear shores.
We'll be reproducing the results over
the next few weeks, culminating with a classification
of "Fruette" or "Players
Wife". Below is the first of the series.
Question
7. (Age.) What age are you?
The average age of the Panthers is 19
years 8 months.
The legal drinking age in Milwaukee is
21 so only six of the girls will have ever had a drink!
Despite the decline in Milwaukee's
position as the world's leading beer producer after the
loss of three breweries, its one remaining major brewery,
Miller Brewing Company, remains a key employer by employing
over 1,700 of the city's workers.
In Milwaukee for every 100 females age
18 and over, there are only 87.2 males so at least 12.8%
of the girls will be single?
Question
8. (Rugby Appreciation.) Do you prefer Mike Reid or Mark
McCall?
Here we tried to determine how much looks
mattered to a true fruette. Would they choose cuddly Mike
or suave and sophisticated Mark.
Surprisingly 30% of the girls made the
right choice and went for ex Front Row forward big Mike.
These brave girls (from top, left to
right) are Amber Faught, Michelle
Knurr, Michelle LaMountain,
Mollie Martin, Kati McCormick
and Becky White.
[Becky is from University
of Wisconsin Whitewater and will be joining The Panthers
for the tour.]
Obviously this questionnaire
was sent out before Mark decided to stand down. We'd
like to wish Mark all the best with his new venture
in Castres.
The Panthers will be bringing seven
coaching staff with them.
Scot Prunckle, Jeff Grossman, Jennifer "Trie"
Triemstra (Minnesota Valkyries), Christine Marlo (Minnesota
Amazons) Lena Gardner (Minnesota Valkyries) Dan Jensen
and Maggie Perdzock. Maybe they'll
leave a couple behind for Ulster!
Question
9. (Allegiance to the Red Hand.) Do you prefer the Ladyboys
or the Munsters?
Obviously a trick question as the only
correct answer here is neither.
Only one Panther got the question right,
step forward the try scoring legend Brittany "The
Bied" Biedenbender!
Truly a strong contender for Fruette!
Most of the girls were aware of
the different styles of play of Leinster and Munster so
they already know more about Irish Rugby than Eddie O'Sullivan!
~
~ ~
~ ~ ~
Glad to hear you're on the mend David.
From all your friends at The FRU.
Stormin Norman storms up the league with this weeks
highest score of 12.
Week 15. Magners League
Christmas Week 2007.
26/12 Blues v Dragons
26/12 Leinster v Ulster
27/12 Munster v Connacht
27/12 Scarlets v Ospreys
28/12 Edinburgh v Warriors
Predictions to be in by 6:00pm Wednesday 26th December 2007.
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