It's
getting more and more
difficult to write these match reports and to try and
stay positive. I know the players are trying their hardest,
despite how it looks on the field, they are just missing
timing and cohesion - two things that come with confidence.
The midfield is still too crowded with
stationary players when Ulster are attacking and whenever
a break is made it is generally unsupported and subject
to turnover. Too many first up tackles are being missed
and, although they are eventually covered, Ulster end
up playing the bulk of the game on the back foot.
It's a hard rut to get out off and it
must be said that Ulster have not been helped the last
couple of matches by absolutely appalling refereeing.
Then again the decisions tend to go your way when you
are on top.
Thankfully the dismal 2007 is nearly
done so maybe we'll get the new year off to a flying start
with a bonus point win over the Munsters!
This weeks FRU Man of the Match
goes to Justin Harrison who has upped
his workload considerably over the last few matches.
No match day photos so you'll have to make do with Mrs
FRU in her new pinny!
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The
Freddy Benson Story.
"This
is as low as it gets!" claimed
Ulster legend, David Humphreys, after
Ulster succumbed to Leinster by twenty nine points to
nil in a Boxing Day festive yawn impersonating a rugby
match. However this was before the news started to filter
through that Freddie Benson was seen
'dancing' on an Ulster Rugby Supporters Bus returning
from Dublin after the match. Although the report is so
far unconfirmed Ulster Rugby are making strenuous moves
to distance themselves from Benson's antics and are said
to be in terror that news of his dancing could upset delicate
negotiations with Matt Williams.
A friend of Freddie told the FRU, "Freddie
is a lovely guy but he dances like he's just swallowed
four quarts of quick setting cement! Freddie dancing is
not something anyone would want to see before they die!"
Ulster Rugby CEO Mike Reid
told the FRU that he had hoped by this time to announce
the appointment of Matt Williams as Ulster
Coach but negotiations had not yet been completed. Reid
told the FRU, in confidence, that among the demands made
by Williams were: -
(a) Willie Anderson to replace Sparky
as team mascot.
(b) Five nuclear warheads for his own
personal use.
(c) Should he die within the terms
of his contract 144 Ulster Branch staff were to be buried
alive along with him.
(d) A sixty foot statue of Williams
to be erected at the War Memorial end asap.
Reid said everything had been agreed
except the bit about Anderson. He also stated that there
had been a slight delay caused by the PTMC (Professional
Team Management Committee) having to go to Dublin to attend
a DAC (Decision Avoidance Course.) The rotund Reid further
informed the FRU that he was in the running, for the second
year in succession, for the 'Most Raised Expectations
Before Falling Flat On The Face Award'. He reckoned
it was between him and Ricky Hatton.
The Benson rumour was particularly disquieting
to Reid who told the FRU that he would immediately get
in touch with his friend in the News Letter, rugby Correspondent,
Phil Space, and his Illustrious colleague in the Belfast
Telegraph, Phil Evenmorespace, to put a news blackout
on the Benson story.
Meanwhile Freddie Benson has denied
dancing in the aisle of the bus. He claimed he was only
trying to get to the toilet. He further claimed that there
was some other bloke hogging the toilet at the time. "Whoever
he was," said Freddy, "he was full
of self righteous indignation because I could hear him
quite clearly. It was if he was rehearsing a speech because
he kept saying over and over, ' I say! Listen here you
oiks!'" Freddie added, "I would have
gone to the toilet earlier but I suspect that someone
slipped a spoonful of neat Horlicks into my fifteenth
pint of lager and I promptly fell asleep!"
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Letters
to the Editor.
Dear
Ed
If I send you some of those crayon drawings
of Si Dazzle (Simon Danielli), will you upload them onto
the image gallery. They are very colourful and it'd show
off my 'artistic' skills...
Cheers,
Colzo Ed. We'd be delighted to
show your drawings our young friend. Perhaps you could
do some drawings of the 2BU Crew as well. PS We're still
working on Miss Ney for you!
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News
from the Colonies
In
order to know more about the girls from
Milwaukee, The FRU sent out an intensive
questionnaire and personality profile to determine just
what type of girls will be visiting our dear shores.
We'll be reproducing the results over
the next few weeks, culminating with a classification
of "Fruette" or "Players
Wife". Below is the first of the series.
Question
7. (Age.) What age are you?
The average age of the Panthers is 19
years 8 months.
The legal drinking age in Milwaukee is
21 so only six of the girls will have ever had a drink!
Despite the decline in Milwaukee's
position as the world's leading beer producer after the
loss of three breweries, its one remaining major brewery,
Miller Brewing Company, remains a key employer by employing
over 1,700 of the city's workers.
In Milwaukee for every 100 females age
18 and over, there are only 87.2 males so at least 12.8%
of the girls will be single?
Question
8. (Rugby Appreciation.) Do you prefer Mike Reid or Mark
McCall?
Here we tried to determine how much looks
mattered to a true fruette. Would they choose cuddly Mike
or suave and sophisticated Mark.
Surprisingly 30% of the girls made the
right choice and went for ex Front Row forward big Mike.
These brave girls (from top, left to
right) are Amber Faught, Michelle
Knurr, Michelle LaMountain,
Mollie Martin, Kati McCormick
and Becky White.
[Becky is from University
of Wisconsin Whitewater and will be joining The Panthers
for the tour.]
Obviously this questionnaire
was sent out before Mark decided to stand down. We'd
like to wish Mark all the best with his new venture
in Castres.
The Panthers will be bringing seven
coaching staff with them.
Scot Prunckle, Jeff Grossman, Jennifer "Trie"
Triemstra (Minnesota Valkyries), Christine Marlo (Minnesota
Amazons) Lena Gardner (Minnesota Valkyries) Dan Jensen
and Maggie Perdzock. Maybe they'll
leave a couple behind for Ulster!
Question
9. (Allegiance to the Red Hand.) Do you prefer the Ladyboys
or the Munsters?
Obviously a trick question as the only
correct answer here is neither.
Only one Panther got the question right,
step forward the try scoring legend Brittany "The
Bied" Biedenbender!
Truly a strong contender for Fruette!
Most of the girls were aware of
the different styles of play of Leinster and Munster so
they already know more about Irish Rugby than Eddie O'Sullivan!
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Lots of sixes this week with home wins all round.
Week 16. Magners League
Bloody Welsh Week.
31st Dec Ospreys v Cardiff
1st Jan Dragons v Llanelli
Predictions to be in by 1:00pm Monday 31st December 2007.
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