Issue 10

21 February 2006

 

Edinburgh 19,089  Ulster 53,428

The normally peaceful and placid UAFC have waged all out war on the rival peaceful and placid Edinburgh Rugby Supporters Club message board.

The above thread which currently has twice as many views as an average Edinburgh Gunners match has become overrun by Ulster Supporters who are incandescent with rage at the fact that the Edinburgh Supporters have called them "Nasty, Loud, Unpleasant, Intimidating and All Right To Have a Drink With Afterwards".

The FRU are rather pleased with these comments as they could describe any front row we've ever played against.

Things took a rather unpleasant turn however when Dead Ball and Jamesie decided to join in. This proved to Edinburgh's most viewed thread that not only can we be Nasty, Loud, Unpleasant and Intimidating in the case of Dead Ball but we can also come across just a little needy as in the case of Jamesie!



Edinburgh Gunners.

Those horrific crowd scenes in full!

 

 

 

Letters to the Editor.

 

Sir

Did you mean to describe Jamesie as "a little needy"? Was not the word you were looking for "nerdy"?

Yours insincerely,
Dead Ball

PS
Can't fualt the rest of the peace!

 

Sir

I should like to use the pages of your esteemed organ to offer a possible expanation for the less than charitable observations that have been made about Ulster Rugby Supporters on the Edinburgh Gunner's website.

In an attempt not to be yet again outsung , a ''firm'' of diehard Edinburgh supporters decided to enlist the assistance of a '''rent a crowd rabble'' from out of town - teuchters in local parlance - to bolster their meagre support at Murrayfield. A coach was hired for these newly converted Gunner supporters to travel down to the match. By chance a Women's Institute group was also leaving from the same Coach Station for their annual late night shopping expedition to Jenner's Department Store in Edinburgh - ''the Harrods of the North''.

Unfortunately the respective coach drivers were given the ''wrong routes'' which resulted in the W I group ending up at the match in Murrayfiled - hence the smelling salts and the complaints on the Gunner's MB about loud singing by Ulster Supporters. These complaints however were nothing compared with the management of Jenners after the unscheduled visit of ''the Teuchters''. (Pictured below.)

With Fraternal Ulster Scots Greetings

Jimmy Mc Jimmy


Jenners Department Store. Edinburgh.

 

 

 


The Presidents (Chairman’s) Campaign

Well it would be remiss of us not to cover the campaign for the appointment of officers of the URSC. So far the only one to enter the race for the ‘wee room at the back of Ravers’ is the one and the only Original Kimble.

But what does this candidate stand for? Well we have an interview below which should help you make up your mind.

Reporter: Good evening Kimmy sir, it is a pleasure to finally catch up with you after what must have been a grueling campaign for office.
TOK: Well it is a pleasure to be with you too. I have had a very tough time just recently what with monthly meeting with incessant questions coming from that Cocky guy and the other Ballsy one. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times you rephrase the same answer that they should go fu…

Reporter: Ahem, Kimmy sir if we could just concentrate on the Election for now.
TOK: Oh yes, of course, well I want to see a club that is fully accountable and transparent to all its members, except for those two conniving….

Reporter: Cough, cough.. Sir
TOK: I want to see a club that organises events that will bring ‘shock an awe’ to the membership.

 

Reporter: Oookaaay, so you would organise these events and
TOK: Now hold a minute I didn’t say that

Reporter: oh right I thought you said ‘shock and awe’
TOK: Yes but not me as in personally me, no one of the other plebs…

Reporter: Ahem
TOK: That’s a bad cold there my boy, where was I ? Oh yes one of the other committee members will be put in charge of these events.

Reporter: Have you anyone in mind for this?
TOK: Well it would need to be some you can trust, someone who’s judgment is sound, some one who can communicate with the Press, the membership and not to mention with the rest of the committee. So I was thinking Stanley Graham would be just the man for the job.

Reporter: Right…..(nervous laugh). Okay. Well then, moving on, what is your view on matters of importance for the club?
TOK: What do you mean like?

Reporter: Well the likes of the Maze for instance?
TOK: No comment. (Long silence)
I know what you media types are like (A knowing smile reaches across his face) I saw what you did to our beloved Stanley G.

Reporter: I see … (a very nervous laugh) well what about whether the URSC and UR should continue with their ‘official’ relationship.
TOK: Ah ha, I knew it. You’re at it again.

Reporter: At what?
TOK: You see, you just want me to comment and then pounce on my answer.

Reporter: No sir, we are trying to give coverage to your cam..
TOK: That’s it no more answers to questions this interview is over! (Mr. Kimble storms out of the room).

We hope to catch up with the campaign trail over the next few days, so keep checking in.

Filed by our political affairs reporter Ira D Commissioned

 

 

 

Energy company, Powergran, ends sponsorship of rugby union’s domestic cup.

"The deal came to a natural conclusion for us as a business," said Powergran's head of sponsorship Mike Thompson, before adding off camera, “Right dahling, where can I get a decent pink gin with ice – there is nothing but bloody Guinness in this Bored Room?

As a result, rugby union's Anglo-West Anglo Powergran Cup is banjaxed just one year into its pathetic existence. The Cup had proved popular with fans of the BBC and the owners of the Welsh clubs, who relished the opportunity to get a run out against the Premiership second strings, but at its inception it almost led to the disbandment the fledgling Celtic League. Incensed that the West English wanted to play with the East English, and not their Celtic Cousins, the jilted relatives sneaked over the Irish Sea and nicked all the Welshmen’s balls.

However, the Rugby Football Union and Premier Rugby said Powergran had helped the competition become almost a great success. “They put a lot of money in the pot and we shared some of it with the Welsh, who gave it to the Scots and Irish so that they could have their balls back,” said a spokeswoman. “So you see; everybody was happy except the bloody Welsh who, lets face it, haven’t been happy campers since Edward gave Prince Llywelyn a jolly good royal rodgering at the battle of Irfon Bridge 1182.

"Our focus now is to find a new partner who will be as committed as Powergran weren’t so that we can continue to have another exciting flop next year”, added RFU business operations director Paul Vaughan.

No one from Ulster Rugby was available to comment, again!

 

 


 

 

 
I - Prod
An occasional piece by our resident tech head and general man about town - Tighthead Prod.

Committee Under Cover.

We all know that the URSC Committee has been getting a bit of stick (from one man in particular) over the last few months.

However this picture of a recent, secret, committee meeting shows that they may be about to go on the attack. Look out Dead Ball!

   
 
     
   
       
   

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