Letters
to the Editor
Dear Sir
I would be grateful to know where I could become a
NoBB? Now that I have been banned from everything else even my handlers
at UR have disowned me and to think all the years of service I give
them.
Mr CT
Editor Fru,
It has been drawn to my attention that the Rogues’
Gallery in SCOOP shows a “Wanted” poster for the infidel
“CT”. Such a poster is not unexpected, but to declare
that he has “possible links” to me is irresponsible
and unacceptable to my organisation. I understand that CT might
have promulgated such claims to enhance his standing in certain
quarters, but they are completely untrue. I demand that you make
this prominently known to both your readers immediately. I also
demand that you “scotch” the rumour that I am in anyway
connected to that other similarly named infidel, Al K. Hall, who
has clearly mimicked my name for his own purposes.
Yours (but not really)
Al K. Eeda
Dear Editor
We demand that you make it known to your other reader
that we are in no way connected to either of the two Al’s
(Al K. Hall or Al K. Eeda) mentioned in the previous letter. I know
you never said we were, but we demand that that is beside the point,
so we do!
Yours etc.
Al E. Lujah (et al)
Dear Editor
I would like to ask you, most politely, without demands,
that you correct an error made by a previous correspondent. Whilst
not doubting the veracity of Al (et Al)’s claims re Al (K.
Eeda), he (or she) must be aware of his (or her – is it Alison?)
connections by marriage with my lot that spawned the double-barrelled
surname clan who think they are better than the rest of us!
I understand they’re all quite musical – I’m sure
the reader is familiar with their performance of the HALL-ELUJAH
Chorus!
Respectfully yours,
Albert K. Hall (Jnr)
Dear Editor
I dispute that Rab is the "undisputed manager of the Month"
for December (and November). Ipso facto (I don't know what it means,
but it sounds good), and therefore, it is NOT undisputed!
I note that once again, Gilbert has excluded my points
from the final reckoning. How many points did I get? The Ulster
public have a rite 2 no!
Yours
Dead Brain Ball
Dear Eddie
Here is the info you requested on Dead Beat's performance
in the December
INTISTT MotM comp.
I'm amazed that DB should want this made public (although
I suppose he
thinks everything to do with Dead Ball should be in the pubic domain),
as he
scored a lowly 29 points. This was joint 6th lowest score and considering
that most of those below him missed out on posting for one or two
weeks, is
hardly MotM form.
Gloatingly Yours,
AlGilbert
Erratum:
The Editors of FRU would like to correct
a typographical error which appeared in the above letter.
Instead of "everything to do with Dead Ball should be
in the pubic domain", the letter should have read "everything
to do with Dead Ball should be in the public domain"
We apologise for any embarrassment caused.
On the other hand, we may have been right the first time!
Dear Editor,
Kimble World. (An almost exclusive
from bp)
During exploration of the subterranean depths of the
UR site, (let's face it, there's not much on the surface), I came
across a site intriguingly named Kimble World. To reach Kimble World
you must first travel through the loudly labelled site for
sports greatest turkeys the FRU and on into the shadowy
tomes of SCOOP, full of hieroglyphics of yesterday's news and old
hat. Just off to the left of the SCOOP site you will find the portal
to Kimble World.
It was with all the dash and delight of a Livingstone
or Carter that I excitedly clicked and entered. Scrolling with my
cyberlight I found a mould encrusted wall and read the following:
Unfortunately like
kimble's head, this site is almost entirely empty.
Presumably a previously disenchanted visitor had scrawled grafitti.
Scanning the emptiness I found an official looking sign, 'where
to find us', with less excitement than when I first entered this
chamber I clicked a lever and entered another room. Empty save for
a small note under a stone:
The Second Barrier
Crew wish you all very a festive Christmas and an even more festive
New Year!
We look forward
to looking forward, as we nearly always do, except when the fourth
barrier crew sneak down and try to steal our wee flegs.
In the annals of exploration down the ages, explorers
have located disappearing worlds, lost worlds and hidden kingdoms.
They all had one thing in common, they had something in them, they
may have been disappearing worlds but they had something in them
that could disappear, hell even the Empty Quarter
has signs of life in it. Truly a unique site is Kimble World and
one that should be preserved for posterity as a testimony to one
man's attempt at nothing. You can gaze upon the creator of this
unique emptiness as he features on a wanted poster in the SCOOP
site. Why not visit yourself and look into a black hole for a unique
view of NOTHING. |
