Skaaaalets 12                                                                                                           Ulster 12

It was like an away trip from four or five years ago. That was when you and a couple of others were the only ones that seemed to know that there was an Ulster game on in town.

We knew we were going to be second billing this weekend. The plane from Belfast was half full of Monsters and on arriving at Bristol airport we had to put on our sunglasses such was the glare from the freshly purchased Monster jerseys. This other match must have been the only final where over 90% of the suporters had never been to a game before. Thankfully a large bandwagon pulled up at the airpost and quickly filled with bogmen.

It was only after we waved bye bye to "the greatest supporters in the world" that we found out that they had eaten all the sausages and bacon as the airport greasy spoon was all out.

So on to Swansea where we met up with the redoubtable Flat Top and yet another barful of Monster virgins. Unfortuantely they weren't up for much craic and they were easily outsung by five Ulstermen and a Welshman.

Several more bars and several more Monsters (these ones actually knowing something about the Celtic League) and we make it to the game just as it's kicking off.

First 20 minutes are great and it looks like Ulster are going to get the points as they race into a 12 - 0 lead playing into a strong wind. Unfortunately Skaaaalets score either side of half time to tie the game at 12 - 12.

Thanks to colinh for the photo check out his site here.

It's been said that people have had a rough time at Stradey and I can well believe it, as the Skaaaaalets fans like to give it out. However, they can take it as well as they give it and the craic was pretty good all through the match with much backslapping and handshaking after the final whistle.

Letters to the Editor

Dear Ed

Having attended the recent URSC BBQ I would to complain about the rather heavy handed attitude to having myself removed from the event. I would like to place on record that all I said was 'could I have a minute steak please' when standing in the queue for food.

At this juncture security guards employed by the club grabbed me from behind and forcibly removed myself from the premises. Despite attempts to get back in I was refused permission and as far as I am aware ther only reason given was that I had asked 'for the minutes' and that the club felt that this was neither the time or the place indeed there was no time and no place.

I would like to thank the unnamed player and well known journalist that left early in protest at my removal.

Yours

CT

Comrade Editor,

In Issue 20 you ask, 'Is Youngman poor?'

This is a stupid bourgeois question typical of the chattering class that run this manifestation of capitalist, curry eating, champagne guzzling, private enterprise.

As you can see in the photograph, he clutches my comrade's little red book, 'The Thought's of Chairman Kimble'. Part 3, Section 10234, limtied edition, 2006.

Salutations from the protelariat,

Comrade Miaow.

Dear Ed/Bruce

I went round to the hacienda at Ballyholme at the weekend looking for payment for "the hat", but got fobbed off by some guy gelling his hair and getting ready for a barbie: - said he had to run, and away he went.

Anyway, I went round to his bin and got enough empties to get a few bob, and went to an internet cafe to see if I'd won your photo competition.Sweet jumpin kangaroos, what did I find? Only that you went and published my photos upside down!

GET IT SORTED COBBER!!!!

R. Constable

Dear sir

You reported that "Paddy X is still behind Crafty as neither scored" .

Do you feel that is really newsworthy as to the best of our knowledge, it's been a long time since either of them did.

Goodaine & Ladette

Is Big Chris Going to Monster?

Once ace reporter, and true Ulsterman, Dewi Barnes heard that big Chris Wyatt was leaving Llanelli and going to the Monsters he decided that he should have a quiet chat.

Dewi quickly outlined 10 reasons why you should never go to Monster land as follows:-

1. Cork
2. Limerick
3. Ronan O'Gara
4. Ronan O'Gara
5. Ronan O'Gara
6. Ronan O'Gara
7. Ronan O'Gara
8. Ronan O'Gara
9. Ronan O'Gara
10. Ronan O'Gara

and big Chris quickly got on his phone to his agent as can be seen from our exclusive picture.

Unfortunately Big Chris couldn't get out of his contract with the Monsters but Dewi kindly loaned him his flag so that he could wave it when he gets of the plane in Monster land.

INTISTT Standings

Cap'n strengthens his grip on the title by scoring one point - the same as Sammy. In Division 2 with Paddy X is still only 2 points behind Crafty as neither scored .

Click below for full listings.

Competition Corner.

There will be more player appearances through the summer with the next one being at the Fairhill Center in Ballymena on the 25th May at 6pm. Come along and meet some of the team!

The FRU will award a FRU T-Shirt hopefully signed by some of the ULSTER TEAM for the best photograph of you and player in the most amusing shirt/s.

Below are some of the entries to date.

Dear FRU Sir,

Please accept these two entries into your competition for Ulster Rugby players wearing fans’ merchandise. Both photos were taken “down under” last year before they signed for Ulster (I hope that doesn’t disqualify) when I am ashamed to say I was doing some recruitment work for a rather disreputable company.

One of them even got me to bring Mr Harrison’s hat and they never paid me what they owed (for the hat or the work) – indeed thanks to them I lost the shirt off my back! Perhaps winning your prize will go some way to restoring my fortunes.

Yours etc, etc,
R. Constable.

AS YOU CAN SEE THE ULSTER BOYS ARE UP FOR THIS SO GET ALONG WITH YOUR SHIRTS OR GET DOWN TO FRIDAYS MATCH.

SEND YOUR ENTRIES TO thefru@btinternet.com