Just
in from our undercover reporter.
The new officers of the URSC are:
Heather Melville, Secretary
Stanley Graham, Treasurer;
and
Iain Campbell; Chairman
The FRU would like to offer their congratulations
to all concerned and looks forward to another year of fun.
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After much research the
FRU can reveal the extraordinary link between the Ulster and Ireland
hero Dr David Humphreys and the black hearted scourge of the message
board Dead Ball.
Are these two linked like Jekyll and Hyde? Is Dead Ball the evil
that was left over when David was made? Are they inextricably linked
in a bizarre pact between good and evil?
Let us examine the facts: - |
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David is one of Ulster's greatest ever
outhalfs - Dead Ball also calls himself a Big No. 10.
David retired from international rugby so he could have more time
- Dead Ball now has more time and wants to return to the UAFC message
board.
David is a qualified lawyer - Dead Ball is on a YTS scheme in a
lawyers office.
David has moved to the Dromore area - Dead Ball has moved to the
Dromore area.
David has traveled the world and met heads of state - Dead Ball
has met Youngman and Cockatrice.
David is described as a gentleman and consummate professional by
everyone he's met - Dead Ball is described as a moron and consummate
arsehole by everyone he's insulted.
David exudes charisma and dignity - Dead Ball doesn't.
So there you have it, inconclusive proof that Dead
Ball is the Evil Half of Dr David Humpherys. No wonder
David's had to retire and put his feet up! |
URSC Unveil Their New Advertising Campaign. |
The FRU can reveal the
URSC's new advertising campaigns for the forthcomming season.
Based on the larger than life committee member "General Prom"
the campaign harks back to Ulster Rugby's golden eras of WWI and
1999.
Copying the famous Kitchener Recruitment Poster of WWI General
Prom is looking to recruit troops to assist the committee in organising
events and social occasions. This campaign is thought to be masterminded
by Youngman Promotions ®™ and it is expected it will be
launched at Club 33 later in the week.
The second campaign, devised by Kimble and Kimble, combines the
jovial General with Ulster legend David Humphereys. In a careful
reconstruction of the 1999 European Cup final Kimble and Kimble
recreate the Cup presentation ceremony but put General Prom in place
instead of Mark McCall. Humphreys is seen to shout "Join the
URSC" instead of his now famous "You'll never win this
O'Gara". It is believed that the fee paid to Humphreys allowed
him to retire from international rugby.
So it looks like exciting times ahead with the URSC. Unfortunately
they have blown all their budget for the next three seasons so they
won't in fact be able to hold any events.
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Caption Competition.
View the entries to Issue 15 Caption
Competition HERE
The winner will be selected by Cap'n Grumpy later
this week. |
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ISSUE
16
In this weeks competition what is Kimble saying
to MUM or vice versa.
A free pint will be bought by Dewi Barnes
to the winner if they happen to be going to Glasgow.
SEND
YOUR ENTRIES HERE
SEE CURRENT ENTRIES |
IS B.Y.O. STARTING TO HAVE
SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT BEING ON THE COMMITTEE?
FIRST OF ALL HE IS IGNORED FOR THE URSC ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN AND
THEN HE GOES AND MAKES A BIT OF A BO-BO OVER ON ONE OF THE THREADS
ON THE UAFC MESSAGE BOARD.
WILL HE BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FULL YEAR?
ONE THINGS FOR SURE HE LOOKS LIKE A WORRIED MAN ALREADY! |
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