Training Diary.

(Later) – Just checked my email – What madness is this? Dewi wants me (and tok, THP & A.N. Other) to run 5 MILES in the Belfast marathon – Run? RUN? I can’t even stand up without my back and legs going? Where’s the codeine nurse? Ah that’s better – he’s really funny, that guy.

Sunday 19th Feb
I don’t believe it! He’s serious! Keep taking the tablets, pain not so bad today. Mention this crazy idea to “her that must be obeyed”. She suggests weighing up the pros and cons.

• Pros – I’ve talked about doing more exercise for a long time now – it could be the incentive I need! I could lose some weight, which would help my aches and pains.
• Cons – It could kill me!

Mrs Grumpy does the same

• Cons – More washing of smelly kit.
• Pros – Put him on a diet - less food to feed the fat lump. AND It might kill him!

I’ll have to sleep on this. See how the leg is tomorrow. We’ve only 10 weeks and if I’m to stand any chance of doing it, I need to start training soon – I can’t afford to wait two weeks or more for a gammy-hammy! I go out for a (slow) walk; and have a slightly smaller than usual slice of cheesecake with my 4 course Sunday Dinner - Just in case.

Monday 20th Feb
Great start to the day – an email from Tighty. The ‘ologists have advised him against partaking in this great venture! Maybe it’ll be scrapped. Check with tok – oh no, he’s actually up for it. Decisions decisions! – I give a “potential maybe”. Get reassurance that I won’t be laughed at (much) if I run the first hundred yards and walk the rest. If I do the first leg, everyone else can have a lie in that day as it’ll take me so long to hand over to number two. They seem to think that’s okay. Wee kimble comes on board – I think he just wants to show off. (A real chip off the old block).

(Lunch time) - I have a salad for lunch – just in case. (Still have lashings of mayo though. I don’t want to waste away to nothing too quickly!) Training starts now - I decide to use the stairs at least once a day instead of the lift.

(Later) - I get up to get the TV remote instead of asking Mrs Grumps to hand it to me. This exercise can be addictive!

Tuesday 21st Feb
Let’s get started – Up, down, up down – 20 repetitions! - Now the other eyelid! (It's as well SammyT's not reading this).
Get out of bed – not too bad. Pains not so bad this morning (but enough of Junior Grumps).
Into work, check emails – I’ve shamed Tighty into reconsidering – SUCKER!! (If I’m gonna hurt, someone else can hurt too!) We have a team (and Dewi’s elected himself “Captain” and is dishing out the orders already – We’ll soon knock that out of him).

(Lunch time) – Went for a brisk walk down town – I even put in a couple of sprints (If I hadn’t I would have been half-way to Dublin by now on the front of a juggernaut going down the Westlink). Called into the Chemists and asked for something for “athletes foot”. They told me that was something to be avoided, they couldn’t give me any. Came away with Sanatogen, iron tablets and slimming pills (They needn’t think I didn’t see their smirks – I won’t be giving them my custom again, and believe me, that’s considerable!). Walked back to work – I knew I’d forgotten something – cream for the chaffing!

Wednesday 22nd Feb
Had a phone call from tok and arranged to meet him – Seemingly he was in my area “supporting free enterprise in the local economy” (something about “redeveloping” some place if they did or didn’t pay up or something). Went for a cuppa and despite him being flush he still expected me to pay. Greedy hallion wanted the works (cream buns an’ all) – I told him he was in training and bought him just the coffee (no sugar, but did allow him milk – skimmed)! That’ll teach him.

Went to the gym! When they’d finished laughing they told me that I didn’t actually need a personal trainer. A faith healer and miracle worker maybe, but not a personal trainer. (And that was AFTER I’d paid the membership fee). At least I worked off a few calories extracting the cheque from them again. I’m not the only one around needing painkillers now!

Thursday 23rd Feb
Went for ANOTHER walk into town at lunch time to visit a jeweller’s in Lombard Street. It was good experience for the Bank Holiday too – it was raining! I introduced myself & my needs and a very nice man explained that I probably didn’t need an expensive chronometer to time myself in training. It was jolly decent of him not to exploit my ignorance in such matters – many others would have taken my money and not let on. I was prepared to pay a three-figure sum for a good stopwatch too! (- £7.99 IS a three-figure sum!). Anyway, he referred me to another establishment for my needs. I’m not sure I appreciate his advice that a calendar was what I needed, though. I went to the suggested retailer and they too were very co-operative, they practically paid me to take one particular one off their hands*. Given the time between now and the run, AND the time it’ll actually take me to complete my stint, I think I’ll get very good value out of it.

(Later) – The time has come! Figured out a 1.2 mile course and am actually going to try it on foot. Inhaler: check! Mobile phone for emergency aid: check! Off we go (the royal “we”). Actually it wasn’t too bad, apart from the embarrassment of being passed by the woman with the zimmer. Forgot to record the time (I really did forget!!!), but it was still Thursday when I got in. I actually felt quite good and thought that I could have gone further, but I must have looked bad, as the most junior Grumpy was about to phone for an ambulance and took quite a bit of convincing that someone could look like this and still be viable. If I ever do have a corollary …. conorary …. heart attack in the future, he’ll probably just step over me on his way to the fridge.
* (Just who is Daniel O’Donnell anyway?)

Friday 24th Feb
This is where the pain strikes …….. but NO! I don’t believe it – I feel okay. More decisions! Will I go out tonight again, or wait till tomorrow. I’ll wait till tonight to make up my mind.

Sunday 26th Feb!!!!!
Wanted to do a bit on the exercise bike, but it had a puncture so borrowed an old lawnmower from behind the beertent at Ravers instead for a turn around the garden. It was actually quite enjoyable and the time just flew in!

(Later) - Suggested to Mrs Grumps that I cut out one of the four courses at dinner today, so she combined my fish course with the melon in white wine salad – Bless her, she means well! (It actually tasted not bad!). I suspect she’s worried about me losing too much too fast, as she gave me extra roast spuds too (NO, not with the melon). I also suggested cutting out one of the wines and restricting the other one to just two bottles. By way of recompense, she brought me a large Irish coffee afterwards with extra cream. I suppose it doesn’t do to cut down too quickly. Later I found her examining my life insurance policy, but I’m sure she was simply tidying up.